Alright, so we've been waiting on this little shit Percy Stankowski for three goddamn weeks now. In the spirit of our 100th post, he claimed to be working on a celebratory interpretive video especially for the Korner. And for weeks, we waited. We put off other potential posts in the hopes that little Mr. Filmmaker would come through. And guess what? He didn't. So, after several non-alcoholic mudslides, I have figured out a solution to fill the empty void left by this director's-chair-having, beret-wearing, film-school shitbird: we post the shooting script. Use your imagination, folks, and bring the story to life for yourselves!
EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - DUSK
A man stands with hat in hand, peering into it. He methodically shoves his foot through its top and sets it on fire. The man's voice is high and grating.
This hat never had no corners. But look at it now. May the circle be unbroken.
The man shuffles hurriedly to the side, and a young girl in a flowery dress takes center stage, jump-roping expertly. The man shouts at her earnestly.
Spiders! Books! Religion! Prose! Religion! Prose! Religion! Computers! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Sports! Bombs! Capitalism! Self-serve! Soft-serve! No service! Out of bounds!
The girls stops her jump-roping and takes a bow.
Thank you, dear. (To the audience) So now you see what we are up against. Shine your copper pennies, good denizens. The time is nearly upon us.