A word from a sponsor...

Hello, my name is Bert Bacchus, and I'm the manager here at Union Credit Credit Union.  You know, it seems these days the inalienable entitlement of homeownership is no longer in vogue.  It's as if the up-and-coming generation would rather set down their roots in tent encampments and void their bowels in public spaces all the while shouting obscenities at honest, hard-working law enforcement personnel.  But take it from me, young people, it doesn't have to be this way.  To echo the incisive lyricism of one Tomás Petty, you don't have to live like a refugee.  That's why for a limited time only (one week to be exact), Union Credit will be literally giving out home loans, no questions asked, to the first 50 twenty-somethings through our doors. Do you have bad credit? No credit? We don't care! Just get in here, and you'll be tirelessly maintaining a quarter-acre lot out in the hinterlands in no time. Act now and we can stem the tide of troublesome paradigm shifts that threaten to dismantle the dreams of our forefathers. Thank you.