Friday, November 30, 2012
I don't know what Gabe's wigging out about, this retreat is tits. All the spray paint I could ever want, comfortable bed linens, the whole nine! I mean sure, they make us take turns in the isolation chamber each day to keep our minds "pliable," but isn't that a good thing? It means, like, not stiff, right? And you know, maybe it's a small price to pay for a much-needed break from the ol' KKHQ. As a friend once told me, there's no such thing as a free panini. And this panini is dang tasty. No, really. It's got, like, roasted bell peppers n shit on it... I'm like, what'd you guys do, fly in that Emenil dude or something? Wait, no. That's not right. Emenil's the stuff they keep giving us before we hit the hay. After that, we get these nightmares our retreat coordinators call "horsefevers." Ah well, like I said, big fuckin' whoop, Gabe. This is what happens when you book a retreat off a website that also specializes in unlicensed pharmaceutical testing. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and go fuck yourself.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
To anybody receiving this message, this is Gabe Gabriel of The Kreation Korner. I can't talk for long--our "hosts" think I'm safely sekwestered with the others. I just wanted to let the world know that their favorite kontributors are ok, despite our konspicuous lack of output this past month. Our troubles began in late october when we elected to attend a team-building retreat in...in...well...um...we don't know where we are--they blindfolded us for the chopper ride in. I don't have the luxury of time to go into much further detail. Suffice it to say our bonds of kamaraderie have been strengthened by our shared yearning to flee our insular kaptivity. Damn, I think I've been detected. They'll be coming for me soon. Until next time, dear friends, unti..............What am I doing in here? I'm not doing anything...Huh?...Computer?...Oh this computer?...I don't even know how to use one! I'm old-fashioned like that, ha ha...No wait, let's be reasonable! Call off your dogs!...Wait, no, get your hands off me! You can't silence all of us..........................[end of post]