Tuesday, October 29, 2013

(What's So Amusing 'Bout) Harmony, Affection and Empathy: A Guest Post

Dear Kreationists,

As a longtime krusader for the Kreation Kause, I find it incumbent upon myself to offer some remarks on the recent uncertainty and tumult besetting the Korner. When I first read of your strange encounter with the Kloud, I was frightened at first. But my trepidation soon ceded to fascination and exhilaration at the non-finite implications this episode presented for the kreative experiment. What I have witnessed, unfortunately, in the ensuing weeks has given me the feeling that there is an acute level of unease around the HQ and perhaps even some kreator-on-kreator animosity. Frankly, I think y'all are in a rut, and I can't help but to further think this may very well be the Kloud testing y'all's resolve. If you ask me, it is in these troubling times that Practitioners of Kreation must stick together more than ever! Thus, I write to y'all to provide a katalyst of sorts to spur some much-needed kohesion. I challenge y'all to rise above the fearfulness and dismay and galvanize your efforts around the positive. And let me tell you, there is plenty to be positive about! For instance, I discovered recently whilst dicking around on my web browser that your blog is ranked 13,906,480th in the United States according to URLmetrics! Now, supposing there are around 644 million websites out there, that puts www.thekreationkorner.com in the top 3%! The Korner is among the elite ranks of the internet's upper echelon. This is something to celebrate! In closing, let us not get bogged down in negativity. I hope the aforementioned will act as a klarion kall for your temporarily haggard souls. It's the least I can do for all the innumerable megabytes of free kontent y'all have given me over the years.

Yours in Kreation,

M. Night Davis
Van Horn, TX

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

AmeriKorner, or, How to Rant Jingo-Wise

Snappy Tom here. I know what yer thinkin, my it's been a while since we heard from that old coot, and ain't he dead yet? Well no I ain't. And in the interim since my last post, I ascertained many learnings. Like, what is a blog, and, how to use a computer, and what does "ascertain" mean. So it's my turn to talk. All this book-smart jaw-flappin' about the so-called history of kreationism is making me sick. Just as man didn't come from a monkey, neither did our beautiful tradition come from the minds of some mutter-hinterland ninnies. Now maybe my mind's fucked up from "too much whiskey," as the doctor says, but I have consulted my family kreation-trees dating back to the 1860s, and hate to spoil your party there Gabe, but this thing been around longer than you think. And it comes straight from the US of A. Where else could it begin? Some of our greatest Kreationists were in fact the westward-bound freaks of the 19th century, that soul-sickness of America coursin' their veins and driving them toward waters no one in respectable society cared to see. So don't go jabberin' to me about no sorry-ass German poets -- this here kreation thing, it's as American as Twinkies. I'm out.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Kloud Debacle Update #2

As promised, we'd keep you apprised of any new developments in the unfolding story of our recent joint cyber mind voyage. Today's clue comes in the form of the following inscription, which turned out to be a web address:


This URL was discovered tattooed to the left inner thigh of our own Huey Dood. Huey claims to have no knowledge of this "tat" prior to our kloud kuest. Why Huey discovered this only just today is cause for even more alarm, I mean, who goes for a month without taking off his or her pants?* Anyways, after transcribing the characters from Huey's funky gam into our web browser and striking the return key, we were simply shocked by what appeared on the screen several fractions of a second later. What we saw was a free internet encyclopedia article about a German poet-cum-soldier named Theodor Körner. As we read through the article, we quickly realized that Körner is a clear forebear to kontemporary kreationism. We also noted many striking similarities between Körner and our movement's founder, Gustav Kreationssen. The two men were in roughly the same age group, were kreative wunderkinds and stood as ardent opponents to Napoleon's tyranny in Prussia. Is it not possible, then, that Kreationssen and Körner may have encountered each other at some point between the former's arrival in Germany in 1806 and the latter's untimely death in 1813? We here at The Kreation Korner don't tend to believe in koincidences. We figure there's more to the story of our origins, more that will be revealed to us in the coming days, months and fiscal years. We also have the sneaking suspicion that this new knowledge will likely decimate many long-held assumptions and values. For the time being, all we can do is remain vigilant and bone up on this Theodor Körner guy. To that end, here's an excerpt we happened upon of his 1932 biopic:

*We have a theory that Huey is a "never-nude"--that's a reference to this kult TV show called Arrested Development we're just nuts for around the HQ. Give it a watch--it's probably on Netflix.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Poet's Korner

Found poetry, date unknown, sewing and vacuum supply shop readerboard, W. Fairview Ave., Boise, ID: