International Korner

We at the Korner are constantly on the look-out for new and earth-shattering kreations, but until this point it seems we've been stuck in the first-world power player known as the United States of America. Have we forgotten about the rest of the world? Regrettably, yes. But that is about to change on this day. Our field reporter Steev Josh has unearthed a fragmented verse of what he has deduced is part of an ancient Bangladeshi folk song. The words are startling and clear. Get a load of this!

I close the eye
A single moment gone only for a moment
Slipping away
The instant all that my dream gives to the before in curiosity

Paying dust in wind
We are all that is the dust in wind

Now do not hang
No things lasts for ever not, but the grounds and the heaven
It escapes
And your money all of it will not purchase a minute

Shake the powder in the wind
All that we are is powders in the winds

Kommentary Korner

Greetings, fellow Kreationists. Long-time reader, first-time kontributor. Having plumbed the depths of the Korner, I find little to disagree with. Except, that is, when it comes to a crotchedy old fool by the name of Peter Doe, whose ill-conceived thoughts on the cinematic classic "Back To The Future" were not appreciated by yours truly. So, in the interest of fairness, I offer to you my own thoughts on the matter. First off, "Back To The Future" is easily the best time-travel-action-adventure film of 1985. It is also, in your humble writer's opinion, the apex of Zemeckis-directed, Spielberg-produced cinema revolving around a DeLorean. Believe me when I tell you, that is a tough category to judge, with many worthy contenders. So what about the performances? The acting is, in a word, stellar; never has the combination of Michael J. Fox, Christopher Lloyd, Lea Thompson, Crispin Glover, and Thomas F. Wilson been so potent. The time-tested storyline of "boy travels back in time, boy interferes with his parents' meeting, boy must save his own existence" has never been quite so poignant as in this true masterpiece. And I must say that in all my years of movie watching, I have never so enjoyed a 1950s-styled chase scene involving a skateboard and a manure truck as when I viewed "Back To The Future" for the first time. Luckily, as with a fine wine, this modern classic only gets better with age. It's almost sad that a prude like Peter Doe must show his superiority through round criticism of another's work. That is certainly nothing I would ever do, and I hope that one day his square mind can appreciate "Back to the Future" for the gem it really is.

-Nash Stillwater

The Korner Kares... More!

This week's edition of "The Korner Kares" comes straight from the mouth of Nathan Rhombus, a prolific writer with whom we've had the good fortune of collaborating for further inspired and inspiring kreations that are sure to optimize even the strongest of pessimists. Enjoy the komfort of kreation.

You are a train of high speed.
You are a beautiful animal.
You are as the sprinkles on a half-eaten donut
abandoned in the gutter.
Bright confectionary reminders of
life's good things.
You are the paint on
a painter's pair of painter's pants
reminding him of his painterly destiny.
You are.
You
are.

-Nathan Rhombus

Kommentary Korner

If there's one thing I can't tolerate, it's intolerance. So many people are so prejudiced that they prejudge others based solely on their physical appearance and, to a lesser extent, their odor. The truth is, there is often more to people than what their exteriors provide. For me, race, body type, stature, gender and facial features--no matter how bizarre--aren't important. I'm what you could call "color blind," in the non-medical sense of the term. I look beyond what's on the outside and strive to understand who people truly are. My first reaction upon encountering another individual is not "oh, look, a Korean person," or "hey, you're a woman," or "you're a cute puppy." No, my first reaction is, "I bet that formless, nondescript mass of tissue over there has an interesting life story and has a lot of unique interests." The problems plaguing our world such as famine, disease and poorly designed cereal boxes are not the result of economic carelessness or political instability. Oh no. These crises are exclusively caused by prejudice and unless the world breaks out of this intolerant funk as I have, humanity will go extinct within the next several days.--Peter Doe

The Korner Kares

Grettings and salutations from all of us at The Korner! Today, we are proud to bring you a new feature which we hope will allow each and every one of you to realize your full potential through simple and practical advice. For this first installment of Korner Kares, we've teamed up with Percy Stankowski to create a straightforward message to all you folks who just can't seem to squeeze the nectar of joy from the fruit of life. No confusing half-truths here; this is the genuine article. Of course, this recommendation we bring to you is only the first, but with the help of several foKus groups, we have ascertained that this video will invariably infuse the viewer with indomitable thoughts of pure life victory and gaiety. Observe, all.

Fiction Korner

"Don't move," said the cat. "Struggling will only make the relish thicker."
The idea of a talkin' kitty wasn't astonishing to me. After all, I'd come to expect anything after discovering that mysterious condiment factory in the woods. Anyways, even if I was astonished there sure as hell wasn't any time for awe. I was up to my neck in minced sweet pickles, and as far as I was concerned, that gray tabby was my only ticket out of a deceivingly delicious death.
"Grab onto this rope, Dirk," said the cat, lowering down what was actually several tattered sheets tied together in thick knots. I climbed with all the strength I could muster. I'm eternally grateful this incident hadn't occurred a year earlier when I still had legs. That would have made the climb to safety nearly impossible.
At the top of the "rope", I grasped the steel grate of the catwalk. I coughed hard, releasing many ounces of relish from my lungs.
"Thanks," I said, gazing with admiration at my feline rescuer. "I'll name you Boots."
"Okay," said the cat.

--Jawn Steighmeaus

Poet Korner

gimme them shoes
im gonna kick you with em.
im gonna kick you cuz you stole my
wallet.
no?
you lie. im gonna kick you harder.
yes, those shoes
with the velcro.
you know i can't tie a knot.
now you made fun of me, you know what happens?
i'm gonna kick you
HARDER.
feels like shit huh?
yeah well you just
hold yer tongue. you know
what'll happen
if you don't.

-maljohn.