Poet's Korner

I never thought to
cut a tree until
we invented
the saw.
But now I'm up to
my earlobes in
sticks, twigs
and logs.
I can't move in any
meaningful way
and eating is
a challenge.
I've tried sucking
sustenance
from the
fibrous
pillow smothering
me of late but
sap doesn't
hit the
spot.
by
Ch
ri
sP
ee
ble
s

Komik Korner

Here's some light fare:


Served up by Hadley Daughterson

Shit's Hit the Fan Korner

We do not deny that The Korner is kurrently in khaos. Lines have been drawn in the sand, turning kreator against kreator. By our estimate it's the worst bout of in-fighting and factionalization the Kause has suffered since the Westphalian Skism of 1926. But like all korners, the ever-unfolding story of Kreationism is cyclical. A startling sixth page story published in the Bench Triweekly Dispatch-Intelligencer this morning reports an event of no small magnitude that may very well serve as a harbinger of restored fellowship and prosperity. We pray to whatever god(s) we believe in that this article portends the hastening of our return to liberté, égalité and fraternité. Scan:


Chas Murdoch On The Run!
KSW chief wanted for securities fraud evades authorities
By D'Arcy Stroud, Staff Writer

Early this morning a joint strike team consisting of Dept. of Agriculture and Securities and Exchange Commission personnel raided the Boise Foothills home of local venture capitalist and heir Chas Murdoch only to find the midcentury modern cantilevered residence deserted.
Authorities have spent months building a case against Murdoch for allegedly using his clout to defraud investors and fix soybean prices on various commodities exchanges.
"Murdoch's a menace," said Sib Stanley, special agent in charge of the crackdown. "He represents the worst kind of exploitative sleaziness in our society. It's only a matter of time before we track down and prosecute that scum."
Murdoch is best known locally as the benefactor of The Kreation Korner, a contingent of self-proclaimed "kreationists" who publish a blog of the same name. He is also known internationally as the jet setting CEO of Kreation Systems Worldwide and one-time juror at the now defunct Kannes Film Festival.
"It doesn't surprise me," said Tony Stevenson, local businessman and longtime Kreation Korner reader, of the incident. "Ever since Murdoch started meddling in the kreative process the Korner hasn't been the same. Something seemed off about the guy."
According to Korner kontributor Huey Dood, Murdoch's overbearing management style was often a detriment.
"He was like the domineering stepfather to our rebellious young man--always cramping our style," Dood explained. "Turns out he was a stepfather with a dark side, as many of us have suspected for some time."
The Kreation Korner sees Murdoch's flight from the law as an opportunity, despite the loss of their sole funding source.
"We're excited to return to some back-to-basics Kreationism, without the corporate influence," Dood said. "After what's left of our slush fund dries up, though, we'll have to hook up with a dynamic financier whose heart and assets are unfrozen. We're realists at the end of the day."
A $10,000 reward has been posted for Murdoch's capture, dead or alive.

Solidarity Korner

Gabe Gabriel here, reporting on an event that may just rip this whole Korner asunder, so that it is no longer a korner but simply two unadjoined walls, disunited from their kommon kreative kause. In the latest development surrounding the Banner Scandal (or "Bandal," if you will), KK kohorts Sprechen Sie Tronik have expressed solidarity with the mission of Nash Stillwater. In a statement released yesterday, and subsequently translated by our resident German impressionist, Herr Frau, SST had this to say:

"We will not support this injustice. The world expect our latest single for now two years, but will hold we without the collaboration of the Chas Murdoch our gift to us. It is your choice, Chas."

aTom, one-half of Sprechen Sie Tronik

Needless to say, SST is speaking of a track entitled "Rhythm Is a One Who Dances." Beyond the title, little is known, but its release promise to be a momentous occasion, the delay of which will have untold consequences. Things certainlly are heating up around here, and that's apart from the fact that Ronald Raygun has filled our rec room with seven working Softubs. Keeping you posted on all things Kreative, this has been Gabe Gabriel. Back to you, blog.

Greetings, erstwhile komrades. I bring you an urgent plea for sanity. Earlier today while on a delivery run, I saw an emaciated Nash Stillwater staggering deliriously through a vacant lot. Naturally, I pulled over and whisked him off the street. Sure he's a rival. Arguably a sworn enemy. But how could I hang on to my ego in the face of human suffering? The information I obtained before he fainted was that he hadn't eaten in over a week as a form of nonviolent protest. He is in my care now, and I am nursing him back to health with a steady regiment of white omelets. I must say that I am shocked and appalled that the apparent state of things at The Korner would drive a sentient life form to such lengths as to deprive itself of sustenance. I'm even more shocked and more appalled that Stillwater's actions seem to have fallen on deaf ears. How sedated are you people? How can you be so callous and numb to this man's plight? Granted, there will be a day in the foreseeable future when the world we know will come crumbling down around us and conventional notions of morality and decency will be scrapped for the necessity of survival, but until then we need to uphold the welfare of all beings--especially the genuinely kreative ones! I hope in earnest that you all deviate from your current heading of jaded hard-heartedness and embrace Nash as I have. Turns out he and I aren't all that different. Like me, he has an unwavering conviction for what he knows is right and the sand to express his feelings loud and clear for all to hear. I'd say I've even started to like the guy. What a capricious universe we inhabit. Anyways, this isn't a threat. Not for now. Just know that this chicanery in the name of Kreationism is an abomination and mustn't persist. More extreme measures may be necessary if you all don't shape up!

--P. Doe

Poet's Korner

Don’t try to deputize
me into your cause.
Your principles and
stances are crap.
Plus I disagree whole-
heartedly with your
core tenets.
My core tenets are
respect, good taste,
and common decency.
Sound familiar?
Didn’t think so.

--cHRIS pEEBLES

Kommentary Korner

Unless you live under a rock (which we don't recommend), you've undoubtedly noticed that The Korner has reached an impasse. With both Peter Doe and Nash Stillwater flying the koop for disparate yet equally gastronomic reasons, we face the inevitability of kreative inviability due to a dearth of kommentary kontent. Are Doe's and Stillwater's departures the fault of the staff as has been suggested? Are we the spineless flakes we're accused of being? Maybe, maybe not. What's clear as un-tinted glass, though, is that we are imperfect beings and all we can do is try our best during the ongoing journey of self-discovery and growth. What's also clear is our unekwivocal kommitment to kreativity. The show must go on! That's why we sent K. Hume O'Henderbaum a cable. He's like the nonbiological great-unkle of all kommentators. Unfortunately, a catastrophic tragedy recently befell the ailing old-timer, but the silver lining is that he's got a lot to say about it. Prepare to have your ass rubbed in the moonshine:

Word to the wise: don't live on a houseboat! But if you must put down your roots on the briny, moor your vessel somewhere other than Fortunate Summit Reservoir. For years now, my hull has been eaten away at by unnaturally high salinity and aggressive diatoms. But the final nail in my floating abode's coffin, however, was driven the other day when I was t-boned by inebriated hooligans in a Bayliner. It took every ounce of my already diminished strength to roll my wheel chair onto the dock before my home was consumed by the man-made lake. Thank the maker I saw that hilarious houseboat insurance commercial two weeks ago! My agent Chad is currently assessing the damage and hopefully stringing the responsible parties up by their toes. In the meantime, he's put me up at the Terracehill Springsuites and Conference Center in downtown Boise. Boy, is this place a dump! The walls are an unimaginative pale yellow. The wall-mounted television is so skinny it must be a fake--I haven't even turned it on. Plus the luggage rack nearly buckled under the weight of my steamer trunk! Such sterile monotony. It reminds me why I try not to spend much time on land. I remember when hotels downtown had character. You could tell the architects and staff members really cared. A weary traveller could choose from the Alta, the Alturas, the Altadena, the Ambassador, the Avalon, the Anaconda, the Albatross, the Albert, the Alder, the Atherton, the Arrowhead or the Xanadu--and those were just the ones on Main Street! Each hostelry was a stately, well-appointed testament to class and craftsmanship--not like the thoughtless, cookie-cutter structures churned out these days. I suppose all I can do now is bide my time in this chic hellhole. But I guess it's better than having my skeleton picked clean by the pikeminnows they stock the reservoir with.