Going Once, Going Twice

Have you ever wanted to own a piece of genuine Kreation Korner history? Are you weary of printing out our posts on your Deskjet and cradling them in your mitts as some ersatz relic of the Kreationism Movement? If this describes you then today's your day! For a nominal fee, you can bring into your possession an art object krafted by one of your favorite kreationists. We got the idea for this auction when we noticed the staff's propensity to utilize office supplies and software for non-work-related doodles. Rather than punish them for misusing company resources, we have chosen to highlight their wastefulness as kreative output while simultaneously parlaying it into a much-needed revenue stream*. To take advantage of this exciting opportunity, simply inscribe the number corresponding to the piece below that strikes your fancy--along with your name and mailing address--in blue or black ink on a fluorescent green 3x5 notecard, along with what you feel is a fair price in US dollars, and slide it under the front door of the HQ. The goods will go to the highest bidders. If your price is accepted, expect to receive your merchandise in an authenticity-stamped archival sleeve in 3 to 40 business days. Assign value to:

1. Chris Peebles, A Man A Plant A Canal, 2015, pencil on tablet paper

2. Gabe Gabriel, Arrow Of Your Ways, 2013, digital image

3. Svetlana Mendoza, Cleansing Fire, c.2016, pencil on notebook paper

4. GRECH, Filing System Experiment, 2016, various pens & markers, stamp, stickers, and white-out tape on manila folder

5. Lee Watt, Square Study No. 5, 2016, pencil on scratch paper

6. Hadley Daughterson, Forest Of Your Mind, 2016, digital image 

7. Huey Dood, Where's My D.G.?, 2016, various pens & markers on legal pad

*(The following was very painful for us to write but the truth demands to be told.) Why, you may ask, has the Korner seemed so obsessed by money these past few months? From branding campaigns to content marketing, it may seem as though the Korner is engaged in the distasteful business of monetizing our output. Unfortunately, that is a fair assessment. But hear us out: over the summer, our laissez-faire benefactor Buenos Dias Productions was acquired by the multinational Amacorp Diversified Technologies. It was naïve for us to assume this betrayal wouldn't come some day when we got in bed with capitalists. Anyways, in Amacorp's initial assessment of their subsidiaries, The Kreation Korner was identified as an "underperforming property" and presented with a performance improvement plan--which of course we had no intention of following. As such, the only way for us to retain control of the means of production is to get out there on our own and hustle to make a buck. Talk about a reality check! By now, most of us have had to take straight day jobs just to keep the proverbial and actual lights on at the HQ, which leaves precious little time for kreating. Although you've seen and will likely continue to see less-frequent yields from us as a result, it is our sincerest hope that our new "quality over quantity" model will be as stimulating and galvanizing for you as ever. We could view this focus on cold hard cash as perverse, even compromising to the very integrity of the Kreationism franchise. Rather, our beleaguered staff is more or less in agreement at this point that our idealism is a worthy sacrifice to keep Kreationism widely available in at least some form in a sociopoliticoecomomic context monstrously unwilling to assign it value. To remain intransigent in the very real face financial ruin would mean certain death for The Korner. We are not above adapting to survive. We cannot thank you enough for your continued loyalty, patience, and understanding during this strange and difficult journey.

Kids' Korner

For all those who may not know, Mr. and Mrs. Chris Peebles are expecting their first child this month. In the midst of excitement over bringing new life into the world and the prospect of helping to raise a slightly better human than he, Chris has begun to explore ways to adapt his Kreative tendencies for a younger audience--specifically in the medium of children's songs. "Although my body of work as it stands is technically appropriate for all ages," Peebles told The Korner in an exclusive Skype interview, "I feel there's plenty of room to evolve my output on the infantile tip." Chris then went on a bit of rant about the mediocrity of the children's music scene and assured us that his kontributions will be not only amusing and educational for the youngest among us but funky fresh to boot. We just happen to have a prototype kut, and we think you'll agree it's got serious klout to it:

Kontent Korner

The Top 3 Meals of the Day
How to stay well-fed in your busy life

Tum Cruz
KreationKorner Staff



These days, there are sooo many meal options -- like, hundreds. Literally. And if you're like me, the opportunities we get to enjoy a tasty, nutritious food-consumption session are few and far between. Pretty overwhelming, huh? Well, fret thee not! I sat down with a couple of my fellow KreationKorner staffers and sorted through all the noise to render a list of three essential meals that can fit into even the busiest of schedules. Bon appétit!

1. Breakfast

This classic meal is best enjoyed to kick-start the day soon after you wake up. Be sure to include plenty of healthy fats and protein-rich grub to get those synapses firing right! Wash it down with some fruit juice for some extra vitaminy goodness.

 2. Lunch

Unless you're some kind of badass genetically-engineered super soldier, you can probably only go four hours tops before you need a pick-me-up in the sustenance department. Lunch is just that! Bonus points for portability if you go for a sandwich or burrito.

3. Śkryml-m'Dâhn 

Also known as the Feast of 1,000 Blood Mollusks, Śkryml-m'Dâhn is a great way to replenish your stores of red bile and fortify that frail husk of crude flesh you call a body for the nightly ordeal of Dream Combat. Word to the wise: make sure the spleen of jackal is completely engulfed in the purifying flame before you partake--as the wizard Hemoglobus warns,

only he who sups on vittles bright

shall live to see the morning light

Musik Korner

Good Saturday to all! If you're currently out seeking that special someone, if love has looked unkindly on your lot, if romance remains the rabbit that pillages your well-tended garden, have no fear. Comfort is here. Comfort, in the form of a second track unearthed from the never-released OST to the never-released Percy Stankowski full-length film, Romance Is Difficult and Sometimes Leads to Complications. This track, titled "Smells Like Retail," would have played over the ending credits, so if you can close your eyes while listening and just imagine a long set of text denoting production roles, cast, locations, and music credits scrolling from top to bottom of screen, then you'll more or less have the right idea: Dig:

Poet's Korner

"Steed Stetson Has Voted"

As I sat in Doc’s saloon awaiting 

the results I couldn’t help but 

think neither candidate would 

be best for Salt Creek 

I stared into my third virgin 

martini and thought of the time 

I had to choose between 

sucking a damp bedroll 

or sipping a spittoon 

to stave off thirst 

If you ask me, the decision I made 

at my precinct earlier wasn’t much 
different 

Either way I felt I was lining 
the pockets of the cattle barons 

Clem was a breath of apolitical 

fresh air — he explained to 

the three or four haggard 

patrons that to abstain from 

voting as he had was still 

participating in the demi-cratic 

process 

At least that’s what I think 

he said—couldn’t hear too well 

over the confounding new strains 

of proto-contemporary ragtime 

fusion he was churning out 

on the tack keytar as he spoke 

I looked up from my glass to see 

Miss Roberta enter the establishment 

her downcast expression belied 
the cloying “I Voted” sash on her 

person 

We exchanged a wordless nod 

as she bellied up to the bar 

Doc poured us each a whipped 

cream-flavored vodka 

Miss Robert muttered something 

about the balloting booths 

cluttering up her school house 

and we downed the hatch 

The spirit was as over-distilled 

as the ubiquitous campaign 

literature, simplified to 

the point of obscenity 

What an insult to Salt Creek’s 

dozen or so intelligent folk 

After a few belts I found my hat, rose 

to my feet, and cinched up my chaps 

Doc said nothing as he polished a tumbler, his 
mustachioed face staring vacantly

I’d settle up next time

my credit was good with Doc—he knew 

I kept him in arm 
garters 

Time to hit the trail 

with the innumerable fine 

dirt particulates in the air 

There’s no need for polling 

places on the high plains

The only duly-elected town dog catcher 

is the turkey vulture 

circling eagerly above

--Steed Stetson

The Korner Kares

Here at The Kreation Korner, we pride ourselves in making a difference. But it's not just our flagship Kontent product and its liberating effects we peddle. This may be news to some of you, but occasionally we break off some of our vision and skills as a service to organizations looking to win the hearts and minds of konsumers close to home and far afield. Plus we're striving to parlay our kapacity for konsultancy into a new revenue model. The following video is part of a kampaign we're doing for a new group whose mission is to educate humanity and other sentient beings about the importance of self-love in the effort to stave off impending environmental katastrophe. We did this one pro bono but you've got to start building your klient base somewhere! Be moved and heed this straightforward kall to action:

Musik Korner

Hails, Kreationists! On the eve of the American nation's birthday, it is our pleasure as political provocateurs/apathetes to bring you nothing speaking in any way to said celebration. Instead, we at the Korner are proud to showcase a new celebration of the true spirit of Kreationism, in the form of previously-lost demo recordings from a house band of sorts at the KKHQ circa 2006ish. Just prior to our venerated launch into cyber-space, it is true that such an entrancing, tremolo-picking din would greet any and all visitors to our humble offices, as we were financially forced at times to rent out space to whomever might help pay our rent that month. In the midst of all that, the most reliable source of rent was a group of musicians obscured in monastic robes and armed with glossy black guitars. Seeing as there were and are no boundaries to kreationism, we welcomed their racket and money with open arms, and even took it upon ourselves to record a track or two. Lost until today, when we were cleaning out Percy Stankowski's old editing bay, these tracks can now see the light of day (or the pitch-black countenance of the void). Grovel: