Thursday, March 27, 2008

A Grand Mistake

A little over two weeks after the Korner birthed what should have been a healthy baby boy of a new feature, we at the KKHQ have realized our folly. Since the inception of "Is This Anything?", how many replies have we received? Zero. That's how many. Unless you count spam as an intelligent discussion of a poem-in-question's validity, which I surely do not. We here at the Korner are incredibly disappointed in the undoubted multitudes which gaze upon our Kreation Korner each and every day with rapt anticipation. We thought you little people had something to say! Apparently we thought wrong. In our infinite optimism and search for truth, we at the Korner have discerned from this sorry mess that maybe we simply are more special than most. We try to remain fair and believe that all have it within them to kreate, but perhaps it's simply an endeavor meant for the chosen few. This is not meant to discourage, but if you people don't have the kajones to step over that proverbial line and say, "I am human! Hear me roar!", there is not much to be done. In the end, our resolve to blow mind, body, and soul has been strengthened by the affair, and we now kommit ourselves anew to liberation of the human nation through positive kreation. I leave you with a poem that I think is entirely relevant to this post:

clank clank clank
robotic movements
(not human)
we are motorized
slaves to the system
clank clank
go these automated appendages
cogs in the machine is
all we


Saturday, March 15, 2008

Poet's Korner

Look at you with your
brown skin
I wish I could get
skin like that.
Every time I step
Into the sun
It's the same shit.



Sunday, March 9, 2008

Is This Anything?

It is with great pleasure on this glorious Sunday that we introduce a new segment to the Korner. Despite our best efforts, it seems there has been a growing rift between performer and spectator within the Korner realm. With a healthy fear of kreative proletariat uprising in mind, we at the Korner HQ have devised a plan to put you, the faithful reader, in the proverbial driver's seat of the sensible economy automobile that is the Kreation Korner. We have here a statement of unknown origin. It is up to you, our fanbase, to give us your opinion of it. Is it a poem? A story? A window into the human soul? A MySpace bulletin? Just remember, there's no such thing as a wrong answer. Have at it!

Is the cat still stuck in the tree?

What do you think we should do if it's still there?

It's been up there since Monday.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Poet's Korner

Why zebras? This isn't even
their kind of climate.
What are the chances that they
would pick here? I don't get it.
How do they get their kicks?
Maybe I'll take one out for
coffee and find out what's so
special about these zebras.

--C.H.R.I.S. P.E.E.B.L.E.S.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Kommentary Korner

Usually, I use my column as a platform to air my frustrations with these United States of America and all their shortcomings. Lately, though, I have been focused on a place that, as it turns out, is not in America at all. I am speaking, of course, of Switzerland—that mysterious, landlocked European nation that has confounded scholars for years. Despite numerous warnings from family and friends, I began studying Swiss cultural exports several weeks ago. During my quest to unlock the truth about these elusive mountain people (the Swiss), I stumbled across some insights that proved both baffling and mildly interesting. Particularly helpful in my research was the Swiss Army Knife. (Why would a neutral country need an army you might ask? That, my friend, is something we will never know). Each unique tool attached to your standard issue S.A.K. sheds light on a particular custom or tendency of the Swissfolk. Par exemple, the small, plastic, durable toothpick included in every S.A.K. indicates that the Swiss are dedicated to impeccable dental health, even on the go. The portable convenience of this reusable, sanitary tooth-cleaning device is mirrored in the ever-handy mini Swiss tweezers. If ever a Swiss individual spots an errant eyebrow hair outside of the home, these tweezers will be used to extricate it in the clutch. Furthermore, we can only imagine the flawlessly elegant parabolas of a Swissperson’s Swiss-Army-Knife-nail-file-sculpted fingernails. So far, we can see that the Swiss are a people committed to proper personal hygiene, but our analysis of the Swiss Army Knife goes much further. Take the ity-bity Swiss Army scissors, for instance: the Swiss are a patient people. It probably takes a person 15 to 20 minutes to successfully cut through a piece of paper or fabric with these worthless scissors; a feat achieved in mere seconds by a typical pair of shears. Not only are the Swiss patient, they are benevolent and caring. This characteristic is made unquestionably clear with a look at the blade on the Swiss Army tool. This tiny knife, when used for self-defense, will only minimally maim an assailant. Through this unexpected, eye-opening process, the Swiss allow their attackers to reconsider their initial intentions of harm and even reform their ways. After such Swiss-Army-Knife-induced educational experiences, Swisspeople will typically invite their would-be assaulters to join them for fondue. We can see through an analysis of the Swiss Army Knife that the Swiss are dedicated to unrivaled personal hygiene, meticulous work ethics, and instant rehabilitation of local ne’er-do-wells. My conclusion is that the Swiss are a dynamic, sexy people whom the rest of the world should look up to as a model society. --Peter Doe