Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Korner Wisdom

Speak loudly and carry a lot of water.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Memetic Korner

The Kreation Korner staff has recently become aware of the phenomenon sweeping the world wide web known as the "internet meme." Inasmuch as we can discern, the "internet meme"--or simply "meme," as we've taken the liberty to shorten it to--is nothing more than an image with text superimposed on it. From our initial findings, these picture-word amalgams are generally composed of recognizable pop culture iconography, exhibit a vaguely humorous tone and are easily disseminated to a wide audience through the internet--much as a viral agent spreads and systematically shuts down an immunocompromised body, organ by organ. We figure, hell, it's about time The Korner hopped aboard the meme monorail. To that end, we searched online for material related to well-known celebrities. After minimal deliberation, we decided to pursue the following video as meme fodder:

Then, we enlisted our intern Chad to distill the clip to its essence and synthesize a single, static panel to serve as an eminently transferable and accessible sociopsychological touchstone for the innumerable masses jacked in to cyberspace the world over. One Korner-style meme comin' up:


Friday, January 17, 2014

Poet's Korner

Hyperbolic Discharge
I'm so mad my head's gonna fall off!
You're too stupid to live!
This house is bigger than Taco Bell Arena!
He's so old he remembers a time before alphabets!
If you don't believe in the Constitution, you're Baphomet incarnate!

Sorry, my doctor prescribed me pills
For this problem.
Just haven't gotten the prescription filled

-Tum Cruz

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

On The Bench

It is with trepidatious hearts that we bring you what is undoubtedly the latest chapter in an unfortunate story we've observed unfolding in our immediate surroundings. You may recall a a post from August 2012 in which we decried the appearance of possible harbingers of redevelopment on our beloved Bench. Today, we regret to inform you that new information has come to light--information that far transcends mere portentousness and demonstrates that the kommodification of our neighborhood by growth machinists is imminent. We came by this knowledge when our own Damien Melange, though in sanctuary at the Surinamese consulate on Boise's swanky Embassy Row, hacked the following korrespondance from a data center in the American Southwest early this morning:

Our immediate reaction, other than confusion at the letter's excessive and alienating use of jargon, was one of horror at the realization that new development is coming down the pipeline right under our sniffers. One would think that as long-time residents of the Bench our input on these drastic measures would be valued. But our elected and appointed leaders didn't even so much as email us a Poll Primate questionnaire! We know now that "EUCLID" stands for "Emerald Urban Corridor Local Improvement District", but would assuredly still be in the dark if we didn't have an informant in the Planning & Zoning office. Clearly, our supposedly incorruptible city government is kolluding with this Hart Packard scumbag to refashion our enclave as the tony Emerald Urban Corridor, probably to make it more "livable"--whatever that means. How brazen it is to think one can actually make a place!

Map by Hadley Daughterson. Satellite base layer kourtesy of Google Maps

As this discovery has sunk in over the hours here at the HQ, our feelings have grown surprisingly divided. On one end of the spectrum, there are those kontributors among us who believe that preservation of the Bench, the very seat of Kreationism, in its present state is vital to maintaining a coherent Kause here and in the Kreative diaspora around the world.  maljohn, for instance, has taken advantage of the unseasonably clement weather of late and chained himself to a vacant lot across the street in protest of any and all revitalization projects that would threaten our ancestral homeland, so to speak. Another kamp at the Korner, composed mostly of the younger generation, seems to be of the mind that humanity is rapidly entering a post-spatial age in which kranial implants will allow us to interface to a fully virtual existence a la the Wachowskis' Matrix franchise. Needless to say, their feelings on the very physical HQ and Kommune are "meh". Wherever any one of us stands, time waits for no Kreationist and we've all resolved to remain stoic and vigilant as Packard's malevolent timetables loom nearer. Stay tuned for more, if any, Bench redevelopment updates.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Koding Korner

It seems these days one can't walk any measurement of distance without hearing about coding. Coding, coding, coding! Should we learn to code? Is coding as essential a skill as basic reading or math? To gain some perspective on this ubiquitous yet elusive practice, we held a video kontest. We asked for submissions that vividly encapsulate the kultural importance of coding in under two minutes. The following is the only entry we received. We were hoping for more, but acknowledge that we are likely at fault for the deficiency as we totally spaced advertising. Come to think of it, we're puzzled as to how this "Cube A. Sick" character even heard about it. In any case, Sick made a pretty deece vid (decent video). We're sure it would have easily been a kontender for runner-up had we received more submissions. Input:  

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Kommentary Klassik

Happy Twenty-Fourteen, Kommon Era! What better way to ring in the new than with a classic rant from K. Hume O'Henderbaum? Entitled "Old Lame Sun," this diatribe was originally spouted off 50 years ago today. Although undeniably a product of the Cold War epoch, we feel it holds up pretty well and has plenty of relevant insights for the present day. Take heed (disklaimer: Mr. O'Henderbaum's opinions are what some may konsider radical and deeply disturbing. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the entire Kreation Krew. Please do not read the following if you're mind is closed to extreme kreative possibilities):

The dawn of a new year is an ideal time to reflect on the cosmos and our meager roles in it. Why, I was contemplating this very subject at Dan's Grouse Inn last night during the waning hours of 1963 when it struck me: why do we need years at all? Perhaps since as early as this planet first coalesced from an unremarkable cloud of dust, we've revolved around the sun. Again and again and again some more! After a few eons of this, we invented the concept of the year to make sense of this arbitrary oblong our habitable orb traces. And what has the sun done for us? Burned our skin. Blinded our eyes. Call this hopheaded pseudoscience, but I suspect the sun is even changing our climate, leading inevitably to environmental degradation, resource scarcity and subsequently a widening gap between the world's rich and poor. Sure, the sun is responsible for all life on this planet, but, given our current social and political trajectory, who's to say life was such a good invention? If you ask me, we human beings are in a rut. We're too afraid to break out of our comfort zone. We're complacent thinking in terms of "years" and predicating all our assumptions on this unquestioned construct. The only way to truly challenge ourselves as a species is to climb out of this rut, to jostle ourselves out of this orbit. I'm not speaking metaphorically here. Heck, between us and the commies we've got enough firepower to propel the earth into deep space. It's just a matter of piling up every nuclear weapon the world over in one single unpopulated location and then detonating them all at once. This ought to be enough of a blast to push this rock onto a tangential path out of this dead end solar system. How will we live without the sun? Well, we can only learn if we check our ideologies and preconceptions at the door of fate. Only then can we explore the unknown and truly grow together, united as we hurtle through the dark depths of the interstellar void.
--K. Hume O'Henderbaum 
(Originally broadcasted on KRTN Radio, Jan. 1, 1964)