Thursday, March 27, 2014

Kartography Korner

A hearty "hallo!" to you this day. At The Korner, our kontent tends to be delivered via a kreator-to-kreatee one-way road. But that doesn't mean we don't value your input! In fact, we've decided to take komments we've received from our readers and allow them to influence and shape our output. Henceforth, we plan to act upon your requests, suggestions and kritiques at least once (but no more than four times) per year. As our email bag is figuratively bursting at the seams, we've employed a konvoluted algorithm from one of GRECH's dreams to randomly kull out the following kommunique:

Dear Kreation Krew,

I've been a reader for a long time and can't get enough kreative kontent. My friends will tell you I'm a certified Kreation Korner nut! But lately, I find myself at an impasse. I've come to care--or, "kare" if you like--deeply for the Korner and the ever-unfolding saga of its kontributors. So it's unfortunate that my concern is ultimately limited by my complete inability to sympathize with you all in spatial terms. I read in your weblog about "Tsar Mart" this,"HQ" that and other exotic locales in which you live and kreate. Yet I'm at a loss for how these places fit together in a larger kreative ecosystem. This has proved to be a particularly disheartening obstacle to achieving a deeper level of intimacy with the kreative enterprise! Please, Korner. Give me something, anything that might allow me to conceptualize the physical reality of your kause!

Yours in Kreation,
Ronnie Junior Sr.

Well Ronnie, you're in luck. Thanks to the miracle of Good Ol' Maps, we think you'll be able to attain a kreative klimax. Examine:

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Komedy Korner

Query: When a psychologist is attending a gala, what does she wear under her cocktail dress?

Rejoinder: A Freudian slip.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Unfiction Korner

A message from Jawn Steighmeaus:

Howdy friends. I recently returned from a solitary retreat in Desert Shores, CA. The confluence of thick, salty air and eerie, desolate landscape provided the ideal backdrop for revelation and epiphany. And, believe you me, I had plenty of both (65% of the former, 35% of the latter). Perhaps the most notable knowledge that dropped on me came one day during my morning ritual, which involved gazing upon and contemplating the innumerable petrified fish heads strewn along the coarse beach. It struck me like a ton of petrified fish heads that narrative, in any form, serves only as a vehicle for imposing, coercive agendas and narrow, judgmental world views. I suddenly became embroiled in a personal crisis. A contentious donnybrook had erupted in the crowded public square of my soul, as it were. As I drove back to the sun-bleached motel in the rented golf cart, I asked myself, have I been manipulating my readers all these years? Rather than opening their minds to new Kreative horizons, have I been shutting them by insidiously imprinting my own values upon them via the delivery system of my "short fiction?" Obscure as my work may be, it's reckless and injurious nonetheless. Therefore, I've opted to chuck from my practice anything that remotely represents an element of fiction: narrative, characters, plot--hell, even words altogether. It hit me like a thermonuclear weapon in that appropriately apocalyptic moonscape of a valley what the purest, most beneficent form of Kreativity is--something I have dubbed "Colonism" (Doppelpunktismus in Deutsch). It promises to not impose upon, mislead or otherwise harm the reader in any way. The following is the Colonism movement's manifesto:


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Saturday, March 15, 2014

Kandor Korner

Today we bring you a bittersweet "Kandor Korner" from K. Hume O'Henderbaum. Hume passed away peacefully of natural kauses last night at 11:24 PM, three days shy of his 95th birthday. Longtime friend Peter Doe was with him at the end and transcribed his more-or-less final words:

"As the lights grow dim, I take solace and comfort in biology, in the knowledge that I am a limited entity. Try as I may to the contrary, I can never be all things to all people. I will always disappoint at least somebody and ultimately never transcend above my biological constraints. As I look back on my long life, I can say that the only thing I’ve come to know for certain is that I don’t know shit about shit. Perhaps this is a copout to get me off the hook for all the insensitive and cruel things I’ve done and said, but it’s the best I can do at this point. After all, I’m a flawed, limited biological being. A limited being who is not long for this world." 

In loving memory of K. Hume O’Henderbaum, 1919 - 2014
"We can only learn if we check our ideologies and preconceptions at the door of fate."

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Konstruction Korner

Wouldn't it be nice to have an HQ to match the staggering grandeur and majesty of the Kreative Tradition itself? That must have been the thought process of Gabe Gabriel and his son when they conceived of and rendered the following koncept drawing:

This bold structure towers to over 200 feet and boasts at least five facing materials and a revolutionary closed-loop, zero-waste environmental system. Although our present mid-century offices have served us well these past 6.5 years, we can't help but imagine what it must be like to kreate in a bona fide monument such as the one the Gabes dreamed up. Unfortunately, the City of Boise's design review commission found this self-sustaining, kolumnated edifice of Kreativity to be "an eyesore that is inconsistent with the scale and urban fabric of the surrounding neighborhood." Clearly, the Treasure Valley isn't ready for stunning architecture of this ilk. If only we had a shekel for every time we were ahead of our time. Ah well. Until the world comes around, we'll settle for a more modest answer to our urgent need for additional work space. Just this afternoon, in fact, we put 5,000USD down on an 8-year option to acquire the building pictured below to serve as an annex to the HQ. It's essentially next door and will house our printshop, musique koncrète studio and accounts receivable department.


Friday, March 7, 2014

The (Komik) Korner Kares

Eat healthy! You've heard it before, and some even say there's science to back up the notion that the objects we put into our bodies -- food -- can have varying effects on said bodies. I suppose we at KKHQ came to understand a piece of this first-hand when Maljohn attempted to eat a week's ration of dry-steak in one sitting, but the details of that shitshow are neither here nor there. This does, however, bring us to the raison d'etre for tonight's post. See, we don't mind hitching our wagon to the science train from time to time, especially in the service of human health and healthy humans. It was in this spirit that we commissioned a pioneering work of visual PSA'ing from Korner OG, Howard Fork, which is manifested below in pixel form. What more need we say, other than a brief message from the Forkman himself -- "those are tomatoes, asshat." Masticate:

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Fiction Korner

After the better part of two years, we present to you the much-awaited second installment of Jawn Steighmeaus' "Sunnyside Stories" serial. Acclaimed literary critic Rapaport Graves calls it the "finest fourth-person, quasi-epistolary anti-bildungsroman" he's read all year. Read and weep:

Chad was the grandson of Ted T. Powell, a local agri-business magnate. Ted T. made his fortune on government contracts. Produced freeze-dried foodstuffs for the armed forces. In another time, some might have called him “tycoon.”
Spenser disliked Chad. Chad was petty, sycophantic and—worst of all—had a self esteem far outstripping his actual level of competence in most fields. Like so many in his peer group, he felt no impetus to improve himself through reflection and principled behavior. He figured he could get by on his charisma alone—a circumstance over which Spenser frequently shared a silent chuckle with himself.
As Chad entered Spenser’s office, the prominent overhead lighting agitated his glossy hair product. This crowned his tan head with a strange platinum halo. Spenser, pale with parted hair, stood hunched over a cardboard scale model of the city center.
“Those kids finally finished it,” Chad grinned.
“I like this little wine shop myself,” Spenser pointed at a proposed storefront on Ninth. “We’ve been tossing around a little DIY incubator and teaching vineyard out back, too.”
“A whole vineyard in the heart of Sunnyside,” Chad shook his head incredulously. “The City’s lucky to have you, Spence.”
Spenser didn’t need his ego stroked. And he certainly didn’t need Chad hanging around. But what difference did it make? The business major seemed largely benign. Spenser didn’t like to be addressed by an abbreviated variation on his surname, though. Still better than “Corporal," he thought...

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Eight Years After

We're pleased to bring you a very special post here on The Kreation Korner today. This coming spring marks the eighth anniversary of "West Downtown"--the now famous document of the titular district in Boise, Idaho. Released in 2006 by Pleasant Horizons Family Entertainment (now P&H Famcorp Holdings) and Buenos Dias Productions, the video features a boyish Chris Peebles chronicling the essence of West Downtown's sites, culture and energy in just under five minutes. Due to advances in internet video sharing technology, we are now able to present “W.D.” in slightly higher definition than we have previously:

Recent events make revisiting this audio-visual landmark as timely as ever before. With more and more of the neighborhood falling to the proverbial wrecking ball each day, let us take this opportunity to reflect fondly upon West Downtown as it was in its heyday before its malapropos dismantlement by hubristic leaders and philistine developers.

Latah Motors Building under demolition, 3003 W. Main St., West Downtown Boise, 2/26/2014