Thursday, March 31, 2011

Poet's Korner

Why are they up there?
The warplanes, with their
jarring banshee cry.
Are we at war?
I suppose tumult and discord
are always among us...

But why in the sky, brilliant
and deep, unblemished by
clouds? Why must they
inscribe their contrails?
Baleful white tailings,
deceitful calligraphy from
a chicanerous quill...

They call it “exercises,”
but why flex a
muscle of such
grim contrivance?

--Dilated Peebles

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Korner Wisdom

No. 18: "Everything is strange. We're just accustomed to some of it."

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Komedy Korner: Punchline Edition

In February 2010, The Korner boldly promised you innovation. Innovation in the form of the classic donkey in a top hat bit as channeled by Svetlana Mendoza. And now, over a year later, we are following through on that promise by bringing you the final installation, making Mendoza's joke the longest ever told, as far as we know. To be honest, we here at The Korner would've liked to see the gag continue on into perpetuity as a veritable komedic "Leaves of Grass," but alas, all good things must come to an end--especially in an age where patience is a scarce virtue. Your cries to hear the punchline, your insatiable demands for instant gratification--it was all too loud for us to ignore. “Frankly, I’m not surprised. We live in an ADHD culture,” Mendoza remarked on the momentous occasion. “Personally, I think life’s about the journey. I suppose I’m just built that way.” All things konsidered, we can't deny that this witticism, truncated as it might be, has truly revolutionized the way we see humor. And we honor Svetlana for her truly Dice-Clayean kontribution to the Kreative enterprise. Now laugh you cur:

The old "Donkey in a Top Hat" bit as told by Svetlana Mendoza, Punchline:

“I was afraid the plant would be rendered unprofitable were it to cease operation due to a labor dispute!” the donkey gasped, then died.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

An Ubermensch Among Mensch

Today we bring you a piece written by Nash Stillwater, in homage to the inimitable work of Peter Doe. "Peter Doe," you may say, "but aren't he and Nash Stillwater mortal enemies?" Well, yes, but in an expulsion which will no doubt become a turning point for the Kreationism movement as a whole, it is time for us to appreciate our differences, rather than fall into petty infighting. So, without further adieu, we give you Nash Stillwater's first experimental commentary piece, entitled "This Is Not an Homage." Ingest:

So you lost the fight, big fighter. Journeyman kreationist. 'Journeyman' - a term that generally refers to a fighter without the requisite skills for any lasting achievements. And that's how I saw him. And see him. Hey, I'm pulling no punches here. The guy got me mad more times than I can count. Shitting all over my achievements, both literally and figuratively. You don't even know how many perfectly good typewriters I've had to throw away. So, you ask me, what do I think of Peter Doe's expulsion? I think it's about damn time. Now I can finally get some work done around here. Oh, you want me to say something nice? Is that what you want, Korner? You know, it wasn't just my work station he was violating... GRECH, why don't you check your Red #92 paint can? Or Gabe, how's about you try playing back the tape from last week's Trans-Siberian Arkestra soundpiece performance? What a bunch of chumps. I'm glad the sucker's gone.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Poet's Korner

Howdy! The Korner is proud to bring you the latest chanson de shrub steppe from Steed Stetson. That's right folks, after pert near two years of beatin' the hot ol' dusty way of the cowboy poetry circuit, Stetson's ready to settle down for a spell. He's been everywhere from Battle Mountain to Mountain Home but indicates he's excited to be back. Adjust your pupils to an appropriate diameter:

The tumbledown schoolhouse was packed
to the recently installed glass panes.
So many faces, so much noise.
Miss Roberta kept the silent aplomb of
a Prussian brakeman.
I wish I could block it all out.

Nature or nurture?
Was I wrong to notice and do nothing?
Or is life just a series of lassos to
jump through before you can
become your own cattle baron?
Maybe I just think too damned much.
But that last time I didn’t think enough
I got a red-hot poker to the temple.

The population had boomed since
the discovery of molybdenum in
the nearby hills a generation ago.
For my two bits, Salt Creek was no
place to raise younguns, unless
you don’t mind a broken education
system and broken bottles
in the street.

As for me, I’m thinking of moving on.
Call it cowardice if you like. Maybe
I’m running from problems rather than
solving ‘em, but I’m no student teacher.
My students are the big sage, my
classroom the open prairie.

Monday, March 7, 2011

In the immortal words of Sir Isaac Hayes, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Never have we been as acutely aware of the truth of this statement than this morning when we received the following email from our fearful leader, Chas Murdoch. It seems a month or so back when we pointed a finger at him there were three more pointed back at us and now we must atone for our iniquity, despite our repentance. Our initial reaction to the kommunique was shock, but as the minutes passed, we came to accept Murdoch’s ruling as tough but fair. Plus, isn’t change of any kind usually for the best? We think so. Anyways, make your own interpretation:

I just don’t get it. I leave the country for one month for the biennial theoretical energy conference circuit and pop into the Maldives for a little R&R and what do I return to? A Korner debased! Look, I’m realistic. I understand the concept of taking the good with the bad, but some actions I cannot abide. Casting aspersions such as implicating me in the death of a man I know not from Adam? I find this, in no uncertain terms, reprehensible! Maybe I know this Walsh fellow, may he rest in peace. I may have hired him to re-panel my rumpus room, but I avoid any familiarity with hired help--that’s the kind of professional virtue with which I’m sure none of you are familiar. Anyways, even in my indignation I see the bigger picture. The fact is, larger cosmic forces are at work here that I would not presume to comprehend. But what is crystal clear is that The Kreation Korner Staff’s recent aberrant impetuousness is merely symptomatic of a profound imbalance with the universe. It is my belief that we can only be kured of this koyaanisqatsi with the expulsion of a kreationist from our midst. A scapegoat as it were. And just to demonstrate I’m serious, I’ve already done the dirty work for you. Your own Peter Doe has agreed to resign his office of Kommentator Laureate so that we may all reap the enduring benefits of a Kreative house in order. He actually offered to go amiably, stating that he plans to live off the grid on a piece of land he owns near Midvale from his militia days and to pursue a life long dream of cultivating and selling chicken eggs. May his industry be an inspiration to us all. And may his sacrifice not be in vain!

Yours in Kreation,

Chas Murdoch