Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Kommentary Korner: Goodnight, Sweet 2000s

Another decade. Boom. Gone. Just like that. Frankly, to me it felt more like 11 or 12 years, but considering the breadth of time, space and all that other Carl Sagan shit, even a dozen doesn’t amount to a hill of legumes.
Anyways, for the sake of retrospection, the past tenth of a century was really something. A watershed decade in a lot of ways. Not only did rivers continue to play an integral role in the cycling of water worldwide, a lot of game-changing crap occurred.
I don’t need to go over everything that happened since January 1, 2000. You were alive. You witnessed it all—unless you are a hermit or young child, which in either case you wouldn’t be reading this anyways.
Suffice it to say, life is different today than it was ten years ago. MP3 players have changed the way we port thousands of songs. Reality shows have revolutionized the way we voyeuristically observe our social betters. Unmanned aerial war drones have allowed us to remotely rain fire down from the sky upon our enemies at the effortless push of a button. Unparalleled technological advancements coupled with heaping portions of human suffering have proven themselves a potent match since the Y2K scare abruptly fizzled out.
Many have vilified the vapid, skin-deep extravagances of this soon-to-expire decade as humanity’s worst yet. Not so. Granted, my outlook on pretty much anything is exceptionally bleak—I’m just saying that the 00s didn’t suck as much as other arbitrary 10-year zeitgeists in recent memory. Take the 90s for example. The economy was too stable. Television programs and movies were too well-written. The music too catchy. How did we survive such tedious tranquility? Say what you will about this past decade, but at least it kept us on our toes. It's strife-ridden uncertainty is what made it great.
A man nearly as wise as I once said, “Kontentment is the enemy of kreativity.” That said, my fingers are crossed that the 2010s will be an era marked by unthinkable levels of hardship, tumult and all-around adversity on a global scale. For only in the worst of times can true Kreativity rear its cherubic face. And only when Kreativity reigns can our world become a better place.
So, First-Decade-Of-The-New-Millennium, with all your excesses and gnashing of teeth, we bid thee adieu. --Peter Doe

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Poet's Korner: Holiday Season Edition

I bet you I’ve drunk a thousand
gallons of water in my life

Ten bucks says I’ve eaten
hundreds of pounds of food

Wager: I’ve been alive for
millions of seconds

I bet you I’m the best
wherever I’m from has to offer

I’m the toast of my
particular milieu

You wanna make this bet interesting?
Then put your fancy watch on the line

I sense hesitation but
I don’t blame you for a moment

You know I’m right plus you don’t
want to be chronologically compromised

I may be a lot of things but
I’ll never reach your rung of pragmatism

--Crispy Bowls

Thursday, December 17, 2009


Well, at long last The Korner has entered the Audio Age. That's right, fans and well-wishers, we've launched a new blog devoted exclusively to the kutting-edge new field of all-auditory kontent. We know what you're thinking, but before you go desecrate your signed Chris Peebles poster in outrage, let us assure you that KreationKast will pack just as much of a kreative punch as the predominantly visual kontent you've come to know and love. KreationKast will serve as a intimate platform, katapulting you to unprecedented heights of kreative familiarity with your favorite kontributors and saturating your nervous system with near-lethal dosages of distilled Kreationism. You'll thank us later, so for the sake of preemption, "you're welcome."

Klick here to listen now!

Disklaimer: As the burgeoning field of of audio kreativity is still in its experimental phases, KreationKast is a bit rough around the edges. Bear with us as we fine-tune and streamline the format overtime. Afterall, Rome wasn't built in a day.

Friday, December 11, 2009

In a Fog (New Korner Post)

As you may have noticed from the tasteful pun, a theme running through this post is indeed the City by the Bay, San Francisco itself. Now surely, this is enough to get any Kreationist all hot n' bothered, but just you wait, because there's a great deal more in store for you. Two months or two years ago -- time is irrelevant in the case of this man -- Chris Peebles made the pilgrimage to San Francisco to share his gift. With Gabe Gabriel in tow, Peebles slept in the back rooms of various taquerias and subsisted solely on scraps of lengua while in the pursuit of perfection. It is perhaps fitting that, filled with the almighty bovine mouthpiece, Peebles was able to commune with Kreation itself and offer to you this unique happening. Brace yourself.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Komedy Korner

Q: Why doesn't a block of muenster cheese enjoy pornography?
A: He thinks it's degrating to women.

-Tuner Jazzman

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Komedy Korner

Q: Whom should one call to inquire about night school enrollment?

A: The nocturnal admissions office.

--Svetlana Mendoza