Friday, July 29, 2011

Kwiz Korner

There’s a very real chance that in one week’s time this country’s reckless fiduciary abandon will plunge us all into unprecedented depths of disquietude. As the agendas advanced by fascists determine a universal fate, injuries both physical and emotional will be visited upon all but the most robust and stoic of us. In following with a long-held unwavering tenet of Kreationism, only weapons of the mind can be employed to reach a favorable outcome. But the flabby and atrophied psyche will not be able to fight off the slings and arrows. To prepare for the inevitable, The Kreation Korner is endeavoring to promulgate keen kraniums and honed hippocampi the only way we know how: a good old-fashioned trivia kwiz. It’s sure to tone your gray matter into a burly ball of neural tissue ready to rise above the khaos of the ensuing weeks and months. May the edged tool of Kreative genius sever the Achilles tendon of elitist incompetence. Answer thoughtfully:

1)What is the France of capital?
2)Name Sterling Hayden’s seven roles in the film Dr. Strangelove.
3)Which is more buoyant: infinity or infinity plus one?
4)Why do woolly mammoths think about ice?
5)Identify the lasagna ingredient with no vowels that can be used as an anesthetic.

Please submit responses the way you'd submit anything to The Korner. Answers will be rated on a one-to-seven scale of correctness. He, she or otherwise with the highest score wins a dream date with a Kontributor of their choice, bar GRECH, Howard Fork, Chris Peebles, Huey Dood or Snappy Tom.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Poet's Korner

"I dedicate this one to Speaker Boner. Eat shit you crybaby." --Chris Peebles

My fort at the
beach is made
of driftwood.
It's dry.
Dry as the bones
of my
The iconoclastic
acetylene torch
fashions new forms
from the irreverent
The sparks fall like
incendiary rain onto
my wretched rampart.
The high tide of
more masterful
builders will soon
sweep the ashes
out to
salty and

Monday, July 18, 2011

PKKP (Post-KreationKon Post)

Well, after eight grueling days KreationKon has finally drawn to a close. We'd like to say it went off without a hitch but there were in reality several. Our foremost misstep was giving Gabe Gabriel II The Bookmaker karte blanche over organizing the event. Although his aspirations of pursuing professional konvention planning are admirable, the fact is ten years isn't near enough life experience to grasp the nuances of such a specific and herculean task. He made the usual amateurish mistakes, such as reserving the cramped 1,040 sf Selway Room instead of the spacious 4,689 sf Bonneville Room. He also rented four fog machines too many, making flash photography and seeing in general difficult if not impossible in most cases. Furthermore, the younger Gabriel hired Reputable Commercial Printing and Scuba Gear Repair--an outfit blacklisted by The Korner, mind you--to produce kommemorative merchandise for KreationKon. Turns out an ambitious screen printer in their ranks took the liberty of "spell-checking" a trademark affectation of ours, which has proved a subject of konfusion and ire amongst readers and kontributors alike. In spite of these mishaps, though, the event was a success. We recorded record attendance, giving away all but three koozies. Those who were lucky enough to navigate the haze were able to interact with the Kreation Krew in a kandid and meaningful way. As for Gabe II, we're ultimately grateful he was able to learn some important lessons and tricks of the trade through this trial by fire. We'd like to extend our gratitude to the good people at Tsar Mart who katered the event as well as the Red Lion staff. They were always on hand with a friendly demeanor and a can of D-Vour. We're still not quite sure why we aren't welcome back next year, however.

Chris Peebles reluctantly models a T-Shirt from the konvention. We had no choice but to sell these and other erroneously worded memorabilia for half-price.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Heads Up!

Hello, all. Today we present to you the long-awaited replacement to the shit-stirring piece of visual controversy that was Chas Murdoch's brand-centric header. Frankly, for all the outcry the banner received, it took a surprisingly long time for anyone to pony up and kreate a replacement. And in fact, the new banner didn't even come from any single Kreationist, per se. Truthfully, the graphic you now see riding atop this galloping thoroughbred of a blog was created with a beta application that we at the Korner have been working on, which approximates the unbridled spontaneity of kreation through a calculated sequence of pre-ordained operations, each step in the process leading inexorably to the next. Here's how we propose the app ended up with that as its final product: first, it randomly selected an image from which to derive a concept; then, it stretched that image across the required header size, thereby rendering said image unintelligible; next, it chose a semi-coherent pop-culture reference and tweaked it so as to appear at once aware and apathetic. Were it not for the Kreation Korner label stamped on there, we'd have a few things to say about this thing, but since it does as good a job as any other image of making clear just what blog you're now visiting, we're happy with it.