Sunday, November 29, 2009

Korner Wisdom

No. 3: "Sometimes the best defense is a Tet Offensive."
No. 4: "Nothing says you've arrived like a knock at the door."

Friday, November 27, 2009

Good Tidings!

Hello, all! We at the Korner trust you are having a satisfactory break from the hubbub of this go-go-gadget world, but just in case you haven't yet gotten totally hammered on holiday spirit, we'd like to remind you that such a break is necessary. I am writing in a state of half-coma, as just yesterday we at KKHQ enjoyed a wonderful celebration of food, fun, and jarringly loud distortion-pedal wanking courtesy of Gerry Mander's Band. Let me tell you, the experience was truly illuminating, and I feel, despite my current state of repose, re-energized, reinvigorated, and ready to greet the day. So, to all you workaholics, take a breather, enjoy some tursirlointaco, and just be easy, baby. That is all.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Korner "Kares"

Although the feud between The Korner and our parent company has quieted down a bit lately, we are by no means out of the densely vegetated area. As such, those KSW fat cats want us to reign in our "kounterkultural tendencies" so as to set better examples for impressionable youth and dimwitted adults. In fact, they're threatening to reduce our annual budget to half a pittance unless we release a public service announcement decrying the recreational use of intoxicating substances. Although, admittedly, we now accept that CEO Chas Murdoch is capable of forging his kreativity closer to the heart than we previously judged, we are in no way kompromising our own kreative kredibility by submitting to his will. You may think we're selling out to Big Kreation, but in reality we're disassembling the machine from the inside out. Disregard:

Getting high on booze is a slippery slope...

A message from The Kreation Korner reminding you to drown your sorrows responsibly

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Kommentary Korner

The only thing that we can know is that we know nothing. Everything we think we know is a lie, or at least false. Why do we try in vain to understand the universe when we possess faculties inadequate for extracting the truth from our surroundings? All we are capable of perceiving are flagrant perversions of the fundamental realities of existence.
Take a cow for example. Many of us look at a cow and say, "hey check it out, a cow" or "far out, a land-dwelling herbivorous bovine creature" or something to that effect. But what if we are wrong? For all we know, that cow could be a chair or a grain elevator or something more abstract, like honor. All we can be certain of is that cows are undoubtedly something different than we think they are. It's impossible to know.
You might be so bold as to think gravity exists. Glad I'm not so self-assured in my physical conceptions of this plain we inhabit. You could say my views of the phenomenon we misclassify as living are more metaphysical. I have burrowed out of the confines of the "box" (which might very well actually be a sphere, an icosahedron or some other geometric solid) and come to accept that there are forces beyond our feeble attempts at comprehension that govern our every move.
It literally sickens me to see people so arrogantly certain of what they "observe" with their "senses." Just the other day I vomited on a man who erroneously categorized a stop sign as "red." I wiped my mouth and asked him, "is that really red? Is it even really a sign? How can you be certain that substance I emitted onto your person is actually vomit?" He just cursed at me and stormed off in a huff. Moron.
In closing, I just want to urge anyone who heeds my words to stand out from the pride-riddled crowd. Think twice before you identify something. Don't be so quick to judge anything that gets you wet a liquid. Always question. Admit your total and utter lack of real knowledge.
--Nash Stillwater
P.S. If you have taken to heart any of the aforementioned, then you have completely missed the point and I worry in earnest for you and those you surround yourself with

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Rebuttal Korner

While I'm not surprised by the propensity of men with your constitution to thumb their noses at top brass, I am shocked by your flagrant sullying of The Kreation Korner with profanity and sarcasm. We at KSW value dissent and opposing viewpoints, but why did you have to do this junk to our esteemed organization? And further more, you just had to haul off and drag my good name through the muck with your trenchant jabs and jibes when all I was trying to do was give you all some well-intentioned advice. How dare you kwestion my kreative merit! I may not be keen on diving headlong down the business end of a jug of lycergic acid-laced wine to gain true kreative insight, but I can kreate with the best of you beatniks. Put this in your pipe and smoke it (not literally you junkies):

Poem: A Death

How many times have
I died?

There was the battery
Esophagus dissolved.

Then blunt force trauma,
falling and liver attack.
In that order.
Each painful in its own
special way.

Once I froze to death.
It's true what
they say: it's like taking
a nap. Only very cold.

Next on the docket is
Burmese tiger trap.
Sounds exotic and
unsanitary. Maybe this
one will stick.

--Chas Murdoch

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Like We Kare

To the Almighty Chas Murdoch,

It is with great pleasure that we receive His request. To have our poor little blog critiqued by His Highness is truly an honor, such is His mastery of Kreationism. Perhaps He in His infinite wisdom knows how to kreate a video montage of truly earth-shattering consequence without the aid of psychedelic alkaloids. Perhaps he too can deliver performance art on a whim without a belly full of fertilizer and curdled goat's milk.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. It is with sadness, however, that we report His continuing absence from the kreative process. Thus, it is with great humility that we request His presence at the Kreation Korner Headquarters, for surely with His wealth of knowledge, far exceeding that of any measly Kreationist, He can outshine all of our efforts combined. Perhaps, I daresay, he'd like to try?

In the knowledge that Our Almighty Ruler Chas Murdoch is not fond of derivative verbosity - it does strain the eyes so - we of the Kreation Korner direct His unflinching attention to the header for a more succinct statement of our intent.

Sincerely, the Korner

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Kreation Korner Staff,

First off, I'd just like to congratulate you all on over two years of swell Kreative output. That said, it makes me and my kolleagues alike sore to see your recent rash of spotty-at-best kontent. I mean, posting kop-outs such as your Halloween photos is not exactly what our founder Kol. Thor Gustav Kreationssen had in mind when he founded our multi-national konsortium two centuries ago. As the kultural arm of our organization, we expect better from you fellows. Frankly, we blame this lull in Kreativity on your habitual over-indulgence in vice. We understand you cats like to listen to bebop records and drink hooch and even smoke a little mary jane from time to time. Heck, even I've been known to engage in the occasional benzedrine binge and brandish a lawn flamingo at the paper boy, but I know when to draw the line. Discretion is what separates us from the animals--at least the un-kreative ones. So I charge you all, cut the guff and restore The Korner back to its previous level of plumb splendiferousness.

Peace in Kreation,

Chas Murdoch
CEO & Lt. Viscount, U.S. Region
Kreation Systems Worldwide