Delicately torn from the headlines, below the fold:
Authorities collar Murdoch
Former KSW chief now in custody, ending five months on the lam
By D'Arcy Stroud, Bench Triweekly Dispatch Intelligencer
Early this morning a joint strike team consisting of Dept. of Agriculture and Securities and Exchange Commission personnel raided an appointment-only exotic imports warehouse on Wholesale Street in the Central Bench's light industrial district. After a small scuffle, Chas Murdoch, who appears to have been masquerading as the owner of Palawan Plunder Trading Co. under the assumed name Chase McMurdo, was taken into custody.
"You fools! You don't know how high up this goes!" the fugitive reportedly said as he was being restrained.
Authorities were alerted to Murdoch's whereabouts when retired junior high school teacher Nancy Ditmars reported a suspicious incident at the import outlet.
"The owner, a really oily guy who made me uneasy to be frank, was trying to push this huge dining room table on me," Ditmars said. "He assured me it was made of teak salvaged from the doors of a ruined Indonesian monastery, but when I noticed the peeling laminate I saw this fraud for who he was and alerted the police."
"We're grateful for Ms. Ditmars' attention to detail and zero tolerance for bogus recycled building materials," said Special Agent in Charge Sib Stanley in a statement to the press. "We're pleased to put this ordeal behind us and see that justice is served."
At The Kreation Korner, a former subsidiary of Murdoch's Kreation Systems Worldwide, news of their former benefactor's capture was met with a mixture of elation and shock, as he had been hiding out only three blocks from the Korner's headquarters.
"Chas was a limited character in the story of our lives, and we're glad to see him go," said kontributor Gabe Gabriel. "This is a big day not just for the brick and mortar Korner but for the Korner in our hearts."
Pundits say the ensuing months following Murdoch's original flight from the law have proved something of a renaissance for The Kreation Korner, marked by a frenetic output of exciting and daring new "kontent."
"People will look back years from now and remember this time as the Kreative Spring," said whistleblower Damien Melange.
With Murdoch out of the picture, many critics have questioned The Kreation Korner's long-term financial viability. These concerns were assuaged, however, when Buenos Dias Productions head Greg Purt announced he would personally foot the bill for any of The Korner's outstanding expenses each month, no questions asked.
"It's the least I can do for Chris Peebles and his associates," Purt said. "After West Downtown swept the Sundance [Dodge] Film Festival, the fruits of Kreationism have literally and figuratively paid Buenos Dias' meal ticket."
Chas Murdoch is slated to be arraigned Tuesday for numerous counts of racketeering in addition to several trumped up charges yet to be determined.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
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