Kansas Kommentary Korner

The following entry was recovered from Peter Doe's journal, which he kept during his retreat experience at Vision Kuest '08.

About a week ago, I was sitting in my kubicle at the Kreation Korner HQ. Of course, kubicle is somewhat of a subjective term, as it refers to the imaginary box in which I was trapped, and not an actual four-sided work environment. But I digress. As was my custom, I started my day off with a cola-flavored Slurpee and Texas toast. Sitting there, eating the same meal I'd had for the past year or so every morning like clockwork, it struck me how mundane my life had really become. Despite my life's quest, which was to maintain unbridled kreativity at all costs, I was in a rut. I needed change. As if summoned from the heavens, Chris Peebles approached during KKHQ lunch period and asked if I'd like to accompany him and other kreators on a spiritual sojourn of sorts into the remote mountains of Kansas. I nearly jumped at the chance. Here was that break from the ordinary I'd been looking for! I couldn't wait to get on my way, and the following Tuesday, there we were in the majestic Heartland of America. Ecstatic to kickstart my own kreative endeavors with a little help from the great outdoors, I learned something very quickly: camping sucks. I mean, COME ON, why are we even here? There's nothing of value here! How am I expected to entertain myself without at least a well-groomed beach volleyball pit? Where are the well-stocked bathrooms to which I've grown so accustomed in the real world? If nature can't even provide the basic necessity of double-quilted toilet paper, what kind of enlightenment am I intended to experience? As far as I'm concerned, all that nature has to offer is hopelessly eclipsed by what we humans have invented. Name me one activity in nature that can even compare to the thrills one experiences on the Knotts Berry Farm Xcelerator roller-coaster, available for the nominal price of $24.99 for a half-day or $49.99 for a full day. The one consolation in this whole crappy situation, and a reminder of wonderful, air-conditioned home, is that my team leader packed Go-gurts, which I've been hoarding for the past three days. I only hope I make it out of this with an ounce of my kreativity intact. In the meantime, I remain in the company of the worst hostess of all time: Mother Nature.
-Peter Doe