Thursday, December 27, 2007
Hello, ladies and pigs. I, Marilyn, have taken it upon myself to write about an issue that I think has been clouding our vision for far too long. As most of you know, I am what some chauvinists would call a feminist. I find that term loaded with negativity and misinterpretation, but I have not yet come up with a sufficient alternative. Anyway, on to the topic at hand. Anyone with a brain has realized the true extent to which male-centric ideals have permeated our society and the way we think. From models of healthy families that encourage a submissive wife and a dominant husband to the current state of professional sports, the examples abound. But one of the grossest examples of penis-influenced misconduct I have yet seen concerns those heavens to which we gaze for inspiration, to which we have often assigned the meaning of our lives. Doesn't it seem a tad bit too convenient that the planets of our solar system bear a striking resemblance to testicles? Ours is a society founded on symbolism, and what stronger embodiment of a sexist regime than a physical world dominated by gigantic balls?!? Would it really have been that hard to instead create a vaginally-inspired celestial body in orbit of a star or stellar remnant? Whatever misogynist pig designed our cosmos needs a serious reality check. Hello, it's the 21st century! Get with it! That is all.