Monday, January 5, 2009

The Korner Kills

Don't be startled by the headliner, folks. Or, whatever, be startled, it's no skin off our backs. But back to the headliner. What we plan to kill today is not people, but rather stale preconceptions of the world around us. Being of erudite wit and reasoning, we at the Korner are often asked for advice from those seeking a better life more rooted in kreationism. Our first question in this new segment comes courtesy of Joanne from Beaverton, OR.

Hi, Kreation Korner. I've been a fan of your website for a couple months now and especially enjoy the poetry segments. Onto my question. I had a dinner party a week or so ago and one of the party-goers spilled red wine all over my eggshell-white carpet. What would you suggest for a stubborn stain?

Glad you asked, Joanne. First, rip out the carpet. Next, trash your house. Trash everything. Commit the act of destruction, for out of destruction comes kreation. This is your only hope, and I say this with utmost seriosity, of leading a life of any worth. One's life is not meant to be spent fretting over affairs so rooted in triviality and vanity. Perhaps your real problem is not the wine stain on the carpet, but the stain of conformity on your mind. I implore you, Joanne, to meditate on these matters. Your ultimate happiness and self-worth depends on it.

Plus, who makes white carpeting their first choice? That's just destined to fail. When I was decorating my house, I decided instead on a lush forest green. Hides the stains and it looks wonderful, too.

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