Monday, March 7, 2011

In the immortal words of Sir Isaac Hayes, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Never have we been as acutely aware of the truth of this statement than this morning when we received the following email from our fearful leader, Chas Murdoch. It seems a month or so back when we pointed a finger at him there were three more pointed back at us and now we must atone for our iniquity, despite our repentance. Our initial reaction to the kommunique was shock, but as the minutes passed, we came to accept Murdoch’s ruling as tough but fair. Plus, isn’t change of any kind usually for the best? We think so. Anyways, make your own interpretation:

I just don’t get it. I leave the country for one month for the biennial theoretical energy conference circuit and pop into the Maldives for a little R&R and what do I return to? A Korner debased! Look, I’m realistic. I understand the concept of taking the good with the bad, but some actions I cannot abide. Casting aspersions such as implicating me in the death of a man I know not from Adam? I find this, in no uncertain terms, reprehensible! Maybe I know this Walsh fellow, may he rest in peace. I may have hired him to re-panel my rumpus room, but I avoid any familiarity with hired help--that’s the kind of professional virtue with which I’m sure none of you are familiar. Anyways, even in my indignation I see the bigger picture. The fact is, larger cosmic forces are at work here that I would not presume to comprehend. But what is crystal clear is that The Kreation Korner Staff’s recent aberrant impetuousness is merely symptomatic of a profound imbalance with the universe. It is my belief that we can only be kured of this koyaanisqatsi with the expulsion of a kreationist from our midst. A scapegoat as it were. And just to demonstrate I’m serious, I’ve already done the dirty work for you. Your own Peter Doe has agreed to resign his office of Kommentator Laureate so that we may all reap the enduring benefits of a Kreative house in order. He actually offered to go amiably, stating that he plans to live off the grid on a piece of land he owns near Midvale from his militia days and to pursue a life long dream of cultivating and selling chicken eggs. May his industry be an inspiration to us all. And may his sacrifice not be in vain!

Yours in Kreation,

Chas Murdoch

No comments: