Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Kommencement Korner

One from the vaults:

"Graduation Speech, #GS001406"
Today we celebrate. We're the inaugural graduates of a new program. The trail blazers, if you will. We're the vanguard up the beach at Iwo. Many of us won't make it. But as subsequent waves of our siblings in arms tread through our remains, our viscera caking to their standard issues, we can take solace knowing they'll one day stake Old Glory at the summit of Suribachi thanks to our initial sacrifice. Picture, if you will, a home sausage extruder. We're those first irregular links squeezed through the nozzle. Some of us are packed unevenly and improperly tied off. Others of us have split casings or have fallen unceremoniously to the garage floor, only to be devoured by Fido. None of us have yet achieved the ideal ratio of ground pork shoulder to fennel seed. But in time, practice and tenacity will yield an efficient, streamlined technique. In the not too distant future, this program will produce a steady, uniform stream of tumescent crescents of customer service acumen. So let us take up our anti-grav units--our kiosks await! In conclusion, there's a blue 2027 Ford Explorer with its headlights on in the auxiliary lot. Thank you.

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