Thursday, July 16, 2015

Edukation Korner

Here at The Korner, we make no bones about the fact that our agenda is, in part, to make the world a better place. Our primary strategy to this end remains the facilitation of a highly visible and widely accessible outlet for the many splendors of Kreation. While often we're kontent to sit back and let the kreative output do its thing once we've loosed it on the public, at times it feels an awful lot like we're resting on our laurels. That's why we're overjoyed today to announce a koncrete tactic from our newly-konvened think tank Kreation Korner labs. In order for the Kreationism Movement to persist long term, it's imperative that we ensure today's children are adequately prepared to enter the talent pipeline. They are, after all, the human capital of tomorrow! Working under this assumption, KKL experts have devised a kurriculum to prepare our youngsters for the uncertain future. It's called STEM and it's a four-discipline acronym to develop the well-rounded, adaptable worker for the 21st century. STEM is komprised of the following subjects:

Semaphore: Good communication is critical to any successful business. But as a massive, unprecedented solar flare is likely to degauss and render useless all electronic devices on Earth at some point in the next several decades, techniques such as the ancient art of flag signaling will be required to get one's message across in a clear and concise manner.

Trap shooting: No activity better instills the "Three Ps" of patience, precision, and perseverance than the trap game. Furthermore, though distasteful, proficiency with firearms will be a requirement of the post-electronic dystopian age.

Eschatology: In the new economy, great business intelligence will demand a working knowledge of the sequence of events during the End Time. Only those young professionals able to anticipate and leverage the unfolding apocalypse will be sorted with the sheep, as it were.

Mario Kart: The fourth and most important component of STEM. As the lost Kreationist Skripture portends, the final battle between good and evil will be hashed out on the rainbow racecourse in the sky. If we truly want the leaders of tomorrow to be number one, we best get them on Nintendo's 64-bit training simulator early and often.

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