Saturday, January 23, 2016

Korrespondance Korner

The following is a message for the St. Alf's overflow parking lot occupying force. The Kreation Korner sides with neither our ex-komrade Peter Doe and his fanatical kronies nor the milquetoast law enforcement entities so transparently and unfairly using the "kid gloves." We are more than willing, however, to use our blog as an informational medium to keep the public apprised of this prolonged, fucked-up incident.

Dear Mr. Doe,

First off, allow me to apologize for our delayed response to your requests two weeks ago. The truth is, it was a time-consuming process, a lot of burnt midnight oil, to meet with a raft of PR agencies to devise the carefullest possible language to address you, your associates, and your behavior. While I can say that I, the Bureau, and pretty much the entire US political-economic apparatus cannot agree, in the strictest sense, with your hospital car park action, we assume that you are decent, upstanding citizens governed by a strong moral center and carrying the necessary permits for the as yet unknown number and variety of arms you bear. It is not our policy to assent to the demands of well-intentioned activists such as yourself and your group, but we are willing to compromise. Rather than sending you snacks, a small party of field personnel may, if you agree to it, escort two of your cohorts to the nearest Costco Wholesale center. We will provide a modest $1,200 gift card and 45 minutes for your people to acquire the needed provisions, after which they will be returned directly to your cantonment. As a show of good faith, I will stay unarmed in your custody, as collateral, until your friends are delivered safely back to you, supplies in tow. After this episodes over, we can discuss next steps, if any.

Yours in Liberty,

Sib Stanley
Primary Coordinator
FBI Occurrence Interaction Team

P.S. If your people make any attempt to take over the Costco or disrupt any other commercial infrastructure in any way, we will not hesitate to send in the cavalry and terminate your operation with extreme prejudice.

No comments: