Komedy Korner

A King sits with his dog, pondering the prospect of another tax hike on His serfs to fund construction of a new siege engine.

"But will they rebel, my people?" the King, an anxious man, asks.

"What can they do?" replies his dog. "Resistance is feudal."

Komedy Korner

Q: Why could the manager of a Red Scare-era waffle house curry no favor with the HUAC?

A: He was suspected of syrup-titious intent.

-Tuner Jazzman, a.k.a. The Tuneman, a.k.a. Jazz Kid, a.k.a. Timothy Boliczinski

Komedy Korner

My apartment's so dirty, when I spill a cup of water, I just call it "cleaning."

I currently own a hat store specializing in yarmulkes. We're called Mazel Tops.

I watched a documentary about Afghanistan last night. It felt Kabul'd together.

-Tuner Jazzman

Komedy Korner

Q: What kind of shared-living space did Freud prefer?
A: An Oedipal duplex.

-GRECH

Behind the Korner

Here at TKK, we're kommitted to delivering the finest kreative kontent on a more-or-less regular basis. But as our reputation has grown and the fan mail has stacked up in humble but noteworthy piles, we've felt kompelled from time to time to vouchsafe what goes on behind the scenes, to show how the kreative kielbasa is made. To that end, we release to you today a kollection of digital brainstorming sticky notes written by real kontributors on the dashboard of one of the staff iMacs. The notes date from summer 2010 until the present day and have been reformatted for ease of konsumption in the blog-post format. We are positive this material will serve as a peephole into both the khaos and the konsonance of the kreative process. You may even see some phrases and story lines that served as the genesis of some of your favorite posts over the past few years! Given the sheer scale this project, the notes will be meted out over a limited run of four posts. Relish:

Part I    

"issued" as an album
"you look centered"
baroque pop, chamber pop
stand poised
bildungsroman, epistlary
matters of the heart
pull a crazy ivan
wagnerian, operatic, gothic,
grand guignol

garden variety
hayseed
venerable bean
kolloquialism
bellwether
peter doe=a modern day digger?-for graves raves
patter, motif

Themes:
-every man has a monster inside
-synchronicities
-kreationism is an ongoing spiritual adventure
-TM
cancel my appointments!
cart blanche
amphora

Subplots:
-leaks(Our in-house hacker hacktivist whistle blower Damien Melange)/konspiracy klimax (death of ew, murdoch, etc)
-CreationCon photo essay
-Off-the-grid/victory gardening/so many eggs!
-Cityville expedition
-Elections?

rich people going into space to get away. acting all elitist about the elaborate take-off protocols.
decanter
visceral, ass-backwards
problem with houses: too permanent, not enuff change

Is art a form in the platonic sense? Must it conform to the strct standards of the old masters? (Graves raves questions regarding hadley daughterson)

The following is sure to be a mind-fuck on the order of Christoph Noban's "Inspection".
summary execution
magnum opus
gravitas, "closed loop utopia"
cat nap pillars, carrot v stick

why 8 pm for dinner in all movies and tv?
'brain trust', elan
soup to nuts, proprietary
***********, glasnost
************
****************
derrange your senses

For punchline: leaves of grass and laura palmer reference

"I could go on and on indefinately. Komedy's about the journey. All anyone wants anymore is to get to the destination as quick as possible."

To be kontinued...  

Note: for reasons that remain elusive and concerning to some in our ranks, personal information of a certain contributor was sprinkled amongst the above notes. Said confidential information has been starred out as it is exempt from public disclosure pursuant to Kreation Kode §509-87B. 

Komedy Korner

Sometimes I have moments of out-of-body perspective in which the human form, the universe as perceived in relation to the human form and, for that matter, the entire enterprise of existence just seem arbitrary.
--Svetlana Mendoza

Transcontinental Korner

Although Kreationism is undeniably a global movement, there remain regions on this planet where the denizens grope discontentedly in the unkreative darkness. Specifically, the Korner has found very little traction along the Eastern Seaboard of the United States. Although our own Svetlana Mendoza spent much of her early career amidst various underground komedy scenes in the Eastern Standard Time Zone, our visibility in the non-western US has remained sparse at best. Why is there a Kreative deficit in the Atlantic states? Rather than dwell upon a likely unanswerable kwestion, we have decided to look at this weakness as an opportunity! To that end, we sent Chris Peebles as an emissary to Charlotte, North Carolina--a prominent cultural and economic center east of the Appalachians. His primary mission was to lay down some raw, unremitting street poetry--the likes of which the Queen City had never before encountered. We hear his performance in front of the AT&T Long Lines/BellSouth central switch building on Caldwell Street turned more than a few heads and even drew some undivided attention. Along the way, Peebles placed some photocopied marketing materials in several strategic locations to promote the Kause. We apologize if Chris trespassed on the dissemination spaces of others, and we don't begrudge the offended parties, if any, to remove the literature he inserted. It is our sincerest hope, however, that Peebles' efforts will serve as a sonar ping in the Kreative abyssal plain. We hope that if we can establish kontact with even one lone Kreationist in the wilderness, we will have erected a meaningful and enduring bridge between east and west.

Kreation Korner Eastern USA Goodwill Kampaign 

April 2014 - Charlotte, NC  

Promotional Literature Drop Points:

8th & Tryon - Uptown

4th & Brevard - Uptown

36th & N. Davidson - NoDa

Note: If you are in or around Charlotte and were directed to this post by a Boise zine collected at any of the three aforementioned locations, feel free to drop us a line and/or follow us on Facebook. We'd love to hear from you, Sibling in Kreation!        

Komedy Korner

Query: When a psychologist is attending a gala, what does she wear under her cocktail dress?

Rejoinder: A Freudian slip.

Komedy Korner

A guy is obsessed with this woman. He starts going through her mail, following her, and so forth. One day he breaks into her home. Inside, he discovers numerous curios which intrigue him. Being a specialty importer-exporter, and being that he has in his possession a small number of items roughly equivalent in value, the man gets the overwhelming urge to barter with her.The woman comes home, startled to find him there. Brandishing a conveniently handy tire iron, the woman demands to know what he wants with her. He replies, "Stalk and trade."

Komedy Korner

Bro 1: Hey man, do you wanna smoke a fat blunt later?
Bro 2: No can do. I gotta take my girlfriend to chemotherapy.
Bro 1: Dude, you are so whipped!

--Svetlana Mendoza

Komedy Korner

Individual 1: "Did you get a hair cut?"
Individual 2: "Yep. All of 'em, actually."

--Svetlana Mendoza

Komedy Korner

Our historian/archivist/documentarian/kwartermaster/everyman Gabe Gabriel recently returned from an estate auction in upstate New York, carrying in tow the personal papers of the late Budd Bellows.  Prior to overdosing on speed balls in a hotel bathtub last month, Mr. Bellows was a relatively well-known comic on the college circuit. By all accounts, his material was little more than ham-handed low-hanging fruit. But if the sheaf of documents Gabe acquired for a small fortune is any indication, Budd was on track to broach a major kreative breakthrough, peripheral as his efforts were to our franchise. It's a tragedy that such a nascent master was cut down so suddenly. Imagine the heights to which he could have soared.  Anyhow, we found the following witticism scrawled on the back of an envelope among Bellow's vestiges. It may very well be the prototype of a form of humor the world will never be fully privy to. Scoff:

Set-up: I live my life in two worlds: the world I experience when I'm awake and the world of my dreams. One of these worlds is characterized by unending toil. It is an odyssey without end. The destination is in sight yet remains eternally elusive. A path unfolds before me, but it is circuitous and full of diversion. I get side-tracked and drawn into outlandish subplots. I observe people I haven't seen or thought about for years engaging in strange acts in strange places. Places I've never been. Places nobody's ever been and likely do not exist. In this world, geography lacks a discernible logic. Disparate locales are contiguous. Day transitions into night in an instant. Years fly by in what seems like minutes. In this world I become mired in such mystifying flights of fancy that I lose sight of the destination all together and never quite arrive no matter how close I unwittingly get.

Punchline: You think that's crazy? Wait until I tell you about the world of my dreams!

Komedy Korner

A pepper walks into a bar. He orders a drink, and swiftly thereafter begins pestering the barkeep about the multitudinous and drab minutiae of the bar's history. "How long has this place been open? Are you the owner of the premises? Are the beer nuts locally sourced?"

The pepper finishes off his drink and walks out. After a brief silence, a bar patron turns to the barkeep and says, "Man, that guy was jalapeño business." To which the bartender retorts, "That was a horrible pun. Please leave before I'm forced to call the cops."

-Tum Cruz

Komedy Korner

Q: Why did the animus decide to go sky-diving?
A: He was Jung at heart.

-Boo Merengue

Komedy Korner

Lesson #1:

What is komedy? Is it the unexpected? By definition, yes it is. When one is told a komedic anecdote, they expect to laugh. Not laughing is the unexpected reaction and is thus the mark of true komedy. You didn't laugh did you? Good.

--Svetlana Mendoza

Komedy Korner: Punchline Edition

In February 2010, The Korner boldly promised you innovation. Innovation in the form of the classic donkey in a top hat bit as channeled by Svetlana Mendoza. And now, over a year later, we are following through on that promise by bringing you the final installation, making Mendoza's joke the longest ever told, as far as we know. To be honest, we here at The Korner would've liked to see the gag continue on into perpetuity as a veritable komedic "Leaves of Grass," but alas, all good things must come to an end--especially in an age where patience is a scarce virtue. Your cries to hear the punchline, your insatiable demands for instant gratification--it was all too loud for us to ignore. “Frankly, I’m not surprised. We live in an ADHD culture,” Mendoza remarked on the momentous occasion. “Personally, I think life’s about the journey. I suppose I’m just built that way.” All things konsidered, we can't deny that this witticism, truncated as it might be, has truly revolutionized the way we see humor. And we honor Svetlana for her truly Dice-Clayean kontribution to the Kreative enterprise. Now laugh you cur:

The old "Donkey in a Top Hat" bit as told by Svetlana Mendoza, Punchline:

“I was afraid the plant would be rendered unprofitable were it to cease operation due to a labor dispute!” the donkey gasped, then died.

Komedy Korner

The old "Donkey in a Top Hat" bit as told by Svetlana Mendoza, Part XIII:

The foreman unholstered his revolver and fired two warning shots into the air, scattering the strikers.
He then sprinted to the donkey’s side and, placing the crumpled top hat back on the mammal’s bruised and bloodied head, attempted to comfort him in his final moments.
“Why did you do it?” asked the foreman, tears welling in his eyes.

To Be Kontinued...

Komedy Korner

The old "Donkey in a Top Hat" bit as told by Svetlana Mendoza, Part XII:

“We can’t just stand here!” said the donkey, suddenly very passionate. “There are bones to process and fat to melt!”
“It’s out of our hands...” the foreman began, but it was too late. The beast of burden made a beeline for the plant’s entrance, undaunted be the angry throng.
“Hey, a scab! Get him!” yelled one of strikers. His fellows then proceeded to beat the donkey about the torso and long ears.

To Be Kontinued...

Komedy Korner

The old "Donkey in a Top Hat" bit as told by Svetlana Mendoza, Part XI:

Any concerns the foreman had of appearing remiss in his duties were dismissed as he and his equine companion arrived back at the rendering plant
It appeared a labor dispute had fomented in their absence and a seething picket line now obstructed the facility’s entrance
The donkey was taken aback, but the foreman had seen this storm a-brewing for several months

To Be Kontinued...

Komedy Korner

The old "Donkey in a Top Hat" bit as told by Svetlana Mendoza, Part X:

The two ran for a few blocks, but then slowed to a brisk walk, so as to stave off upchuck
Had not the foreman been the highest ranking employee at the plant, he would’ve been worried that his tardiness would be grounds for reprimand
But, even so, he was a principled man and hated the precedent he set by taking advantage of his position of authority

To Be Kontinued...