So it’s the end of the year, and that can only mean one thing: the ass-hats at The Kreation Korner want me to say a few retrospective words. I have resolved to do so, but only on my own terms, which is quite characteristic of my personality and temperament. Anyways, 2008 was just another year marked by high points and low points and occasional mid-elevation points. But who cares about the glass-half-full crap? Let’s focus on the negative.
The first major disappointment of the year came at the beginning of April when I was roped into attending a "spiritual journey" of sorts. Being my trademarked skeptical self, I considered the prospect of spending a month in the heart of America's rugged breadbasket to be of little-to-no educational value. After a borderline-irritating amount of coaxing from my friends and colleagues, I finally agreed—begrudgingly, mind you—to join them on their so-called "vision quest." At the risk of making an ass of myself and you, the reader, I assume that you have not had the distinguished opportunity to experience a vision quest such as the one I was "privileged" with. Therefore, I feel that I would be remiss in not warning you of their complete and utter worthlessness. I won't bore you with the details of what unfolded, but, suffice it to say, vision quests suck, so does nature, and so does Kansas. When the three collide—as they did most regrettably back in April—it’s a triumvirate of kreativity-draining, soul-crushing agony that must be avoided at all costs.
Another disappointment came in August when an audacious punk named Nash Stillwater brashly took issue with a kommentary of the film Back To The Future I wrote some months back. I was criticized for not retorting immediately to this saucy humanoid, but I had my reasons. Why didn’t I dignify his bold, unfounded claims with a response? Simple. They didn’t deserve to be dignified with a response. The only thing I have to tell to this Nash Stillwater character is that I was reviewing implausible time travel movies in Nam when he was extracting nourishment from his mama’s mammary glands.
Finally, the most compelling disappointment of 2008 began to surface in November. With the kreative energy of The Korner already hampered by economic woes, we began to see signs of the kontributors really losing their grip. For me, this was most evident in seeing them all cowering under a tarp that wouldn’t even be good shelter for firewood. I was ready to give up on The Korner. How could a group of once-great kreationists have gone off such a deep end? I myself had known hard times as a kid growing up with ten siblings on that domesticated wildebeest farm, but I never sacrificed my pride so far as to not keep a proper car to sleep in. But in light of all this verbal sturm und drang, I still have a shred of optimism in my bitter shell of a human body. Maybe 2009 will prove The Korner once again worthy of the qualifier “Kreation.”
All in all, 2008 was a pretty average series of 365 days. If you asked me how my year went, I’d say, “same shit, different year.” Catastrophic climate events and natural disasters, democratic election of political leaders, celebrity deaths and the births of those who will someday become celebrities, as if replacing those lost—we saw all this and more usual stuff that isn’t coming to mind at the moment. I can only hope 2009 will be so outrageously normal. --Peter Doe