Sunday, January 3, 2010

Battle of the (Kommentary) Titans

The new year is a time for reflection. Sometimes that reflection comes in the form of a heartfelt discussion among friends, other times in steadfast resolutions to create a better life for oneself. And then there are the times that reflection comes in the form of an avant-garde beef-settling boxing match between kreationist kolleagues. Such is the case with our latest post. Having answered the call of Peter Doe's challenge in May 2009, Peter Doe announced to the press that he would meet Stillwater toe-to-toe in the Russian ring for a bout that promised to be harder than any Skittles-vodka concoction that one could imagine. Taking place on the Kamchatka Peninsula, the match would effectively end all further dispute between Doe and Stillwater. So, without further ado, enjoy our coverage of Doe vs. Stillwater: The Reckoning.

Peter Doe (right) was all fire and brimstone at the pre-fight press conference, threatening that at the end of the match, Stillwater's face "will make Picasso's 'Girl in Chair' look like the goddamn Mona Lisa!"

Nash Stillwater, the younger of the two, in his korner. Stillwater spent several months training under the tutelage of Maljohn, komik artist and seasoned street fighter.

Peter Doe opted for a different approach to training, spending the few months leading up to the match locked in a dark room with a palette of Parliament Ultra Lights and VHS tapes of predatory attacks in the Sarangeti. He collapsed approximately 30 seconds before the start of the first round.

Doe being carted from the scene. Despite his collapse, Doe later claimed that a "moral victory" had been won. Stillwater declined to comment.

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