Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Don't Get Snappy with Me...

Today we check in with a selection from the Octogenarian Acid King himself, Snappy Tom. Truthfully, we can't be sure of his age, but through the emerging Kreationist science of Guesswork, we'd place it around 83. The optimal setting and circumstances for this reading have been included. Unfortunately, we can't guarantee your comprehension of the story without these steps.

1. Combine milkweed with cinnamon and hot glue in a Chinese cymbal. Heat for three hours.
2. Select a vision quest guide to read the passage to you.
3. After ingesting the ayahuasca-like substance you brewed earlier, play BTO's hard-rock classic "Takin' Care of Business" in reverse.
4. Instruct your guide to read the following text once and only once:

Pink Floyd kicked ass.

By this point, if you have followed the necessary steps, you will have been enveloped by all the wonder and glory of inner and outer space, and this text will be of no use to you. Expect violent purging within the hour.

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