Kloud Debacle Update #3

Dear Kreation Korner Adherents,

I recently returned from a brief stay in the City Formerly Known as Yerba Buena. My mission was to spend some much needed face time with BLENKO, check in with Hattie Weyland and konduct an informal audition for aspiring Kreationist/juggler Kay Ingleside. In the midst of mixing this business and pleasure, BLENKO and I happened upon what can only be described as the answer to the questions that have racked the Korner these past few months. I speak of the dreaded Kloud. We've all been wondering, "what is the kloud? What baleful designs does it have in store for us??" or something to that effect. Turns out, as B and I observed, the Kloud is in fact a finite, tangible inflatable tunnel located on a one-block stretch of Howard Street in SoMa. All this time we thought the Kloud was an ever-present, post-physical malevolent entity, but in reality, as depicted below, it's little more than a bouncy castle that can easily succumb to the Safety Pin of Kreation. Not to debunk what some at the Korner have bunked, but, if you ask me, this whole Kloud threat has been vastly overstated. I hope we can put all this unease behind us and get back to enthusiastically karrying out our kreative mandate.

Love,

Chris Peebles

"The Kloud," Howard Street, San Francisco, CA. It can't stay inflated forever!

(What's So Amusing 'Bout) Harmony, Affection and Empathy: A Guest Post

Dear Kreationists,

As a longtime krusader for the Kreation Kause, I find it incumbent upon myself to offer some remarks on the recent uncertainty and tumult besetting the Korner. When I first read of your strange encounter with the Kloud, I was frightened at first. But my trepidation soon ceded to fascination and exhilaration at the non-finite implications this episode presented for the kreative experiment. What I have witnessed, unfortunately, in the ensuing weeks has given me the feeling that there is an acute level of unease around the HQ and perhaps even some kreator-on-kreator animosity. Frankly, I think y'all are in a rut, and I can't help but to further think this may very well be the Kloud testing y'all's resolve. If you ask me, it is in these troubling times that Practitioners of Kreation must stick together more than ever! Thus, I write to y'all to provide a katalyst of sorts to spur some much-needed kohesion. I challenge y'all to rise above the fearfulness and dismay and galvanize your efforts around the positive. And let me tell you, there is plenty to be positive about! For instance, I discovered recently whilst dicking around on my web browser that your blog is ranked 13,906,480th in the United States according to URLmetrics! Now, supposing there are around 644 million websites out there, that puts www.thekreationkorner.com in the top 3%! The Korner is among the elite ranks of the internet's upper echelon. This is something to celebrate! In closing, let us not get bogged down in negativity. I hope the aforementioned will act as a klarion kall for your temporarily haggard souls. It's the least I can do for all the innumerable megabytes of free kontent y'all have given me over the years.

Yours in Kreation,

M. Night Davis
Van Horn, TX

Kloud Debacle Update #2

As promised, we'd keep you apprised of any new developments in the unfolding story of our recent joint cyber mind voyage. Today's clue comes in the form of the following inscription, which turned out to be a web address:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theodor_Körner_(author)

This URL was discovered tattooed to the left inner thigh of our own Huey Dood. Huey claims to have no knowledge of this "tat" prior to our kloud kuest. Why Huey discovered this only just today is cause for even more alarm, I mean, who goes for a month without taking off his or her pants?* Anyways, after transcribing the characters from Huey's funky gam into our web browser and striking the return key, we were simply shocked by what appeared on the screen several fractions of a second later. What we saw was a free internet encyclopedia article about a German poet-cum-soldier named Theodor Körner. As we read through the article, we quickly realized that Körner is a clear forebear to kontemporary kreationism. We also noted many striking similarities between Körner and our movement's founder, Gustav Kreationssen. The two men were in roughly the same age group, were kreative wunderkinds and stood as ardent opponents to Napoleon's tyranny in Prussia. Is it not possible, then, that Kreationssen and Körner may have encountered each other at some point between the former's arrival in Germany in 1806 and the latter's untimely death in 1813? We here at The Kreation Korner don't tend to believe in koincidences. We figure there's more to the story of our origins, more that will be revealed to us in the coming days, months and fiscal years. We also have the sneaking suspicion that this new knowledge will likely decimate many long-held assumptions and values. For the time being, all we can do is remain vigilant and bone up on this Theodor Körner guy. To that end, here's an excerpt we happened upon of his 1932 biopic:




*We have a theory that Huey is a "never-nude"--that's a reference to this kult TV show called Arrested Development we're just nuts for around the HQ. Give it a watch--it's probably on Netflix.

Interkorner

Howdy, partner! We have a special treat for you today. It's an interview conducted by Gabe Gabriel II with none other than the mysterious preacher Rev. Ambo Dais who has occasionally graced this blog with often-cryptic sermons in recent months. The younger Gabriel was assigned this project for a philosophy class and, by taking full advantage of his Korner konnections, was able to arrange a conversation with one of today's greatest minds. Not bad for a 15-year-old. We only hope Gabe uses his privilege to uplift those less advantaged than he rather than to become a konceited Kreationist brat like another staff member's spawn who shall remain unnamed herein. In any case, we think you'll vigorously agree that the following is a dialogue worthy of the space in the kloud it now inhabits. We'd like to thank Mr. Wright of Steunenberg Senior High for releasing the interview for our use but not for giving poor Gabe a C+. Wrestle with: 

Gabe Gabriel II: Thank you for agreeing to speak with me, Reverend. Before we get into the philosophical questions, I'd like to ask you some questions on your background. Are you in any way associated with the Kreation Mysticism movement?

Ambo Dais: That's not me. You are probably thinking of Rimbaud Davis. I get that a lot. Let's just treat my personal life and background as off-limits, shall we?

GG II: Oh, uh, fair enough. Sorry about that. I guess we'll move onto the questions on your philosophy. First off, I'd like to ask you, what are your thoughts on good and evil? 

AD: I don't find artificial binaries like this to be terribly useful. Sure, binary systems are useful if you're building a highway overpass or something of that nature. But if you think individuals like to be treated like major infrastructure, you need a lesson in empathy, my Entity. 

GG II: So what I'm hearing you is that there are moral gray areas? 

AD: Those are your words. Here's an analogy to better illuminate my meaning: say you are looking at a common tri-color traffic signal (Editor's Note: if you are unfamiliar with this technology, here's a link to an informative article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traffic_light). When the green light is on, it is customary to go. When the signal is red, you stop. But in between it's yellow, when you're neither completely going nor stopping. We exist is those in-between spaces, the yellow lights. Not gray. 

GG II: But the traffic lights you describe are either green or red most the time, not to poke holes in your analogy. 

AD: By all means, poke away. If I'm not eliciting critical thought and the grappling with of ideas, then I'm not doing my job. I would counter, however, by pointing out that your perspective seems deeply entrenched in a conventional conception of linear time. I've gazed into unchanging yellow lights for hours before. 

GG II: That's very interesting. Let's shift gears a little to a more practical question. What do you recommend as a good way of being? 

AD: There's that g-word again. I'll do my best to answer the question in what I'm assuming is the spirit in which it was asked. I recommend living a life of decisions made according to what the entity believes is the "best" course of action based on available information. An entity should constantly seek out information new to the entity from sources both external and internal to the entity, but the entity should always be vigilant of truth mirages. 

GG II: I like that. What would you say the ultimate goal of life is? 

AD: I find this the least abstract question you've asked yet! The goal of life is to experience a full range of emotions in a place or set of circumstances you can call "home." 

GG II: This has been a very intellectually stimulating interview. I'll end by asking what advice you might have for a high school sophomore eager to learn more about the nature of existence. 

AD: Try staring into a yellow light sometime. Clear your mind and become completely present, or as much as possible. Stay focussed and soon seconds will feel hours--you'll find you really do have the power to exert mind over matter, to take responsibility for your reality. Do this at a safe distance from the street--I can't in good conscience recommend to a minor the preferred way, which is to stand directly in the center of the vehicle right-of-way. The Wise Ones say if an entity is totally purified of earthly distraction, the cars will pass right through them. 

GG II: Wow, this has been really eye-opening. Thanks for your time. 

AD: Thanks to you, young Gabe. You are an Entity among Entities. 

Editor's Note: Due to Rev. Dais' insistence one personal privacy, Gabriel conducted the interview through an intermediary--it took nearly a week to relay the questions and responses back and forth. We have edited the transcript to give it the feel of seamless, in-person interaction. It reads like they were in the same room, didn't you think?

Kloud Debacle Update #1

In what will surely, or maybe not, be an ongoing process of revelation, more has recently come to light with regard to a certain collective sojourn into the digital consciousness mothership, as it were. Just today, here at KKHQ, Percy Stankowski found in his own jacket pocket three transfers inexplicably belonging to the venerable MUNI public transportation system of San Francisco (CA). The transfer tickets were dated September 14, 24, and 25 of 2013. "I've never even been there!" exclaimed Stankowski upon inquiry as to how the transfers made their way into his pocket. Naturally, only one explanation suffices -- that time travel and interlocational transmutation were among the events which transpired on that fateful Friday. Connections abound within this seemingly random event. For one, San Francisco has emerged as the focal point of all things Cloud, such that in our journey there was a natural drift toward the physical locus of all this latter-day nebulosity. For two, and this is no trifling matter, the MUNI logo prominently emblazoned on said transfers was in fact an original design from the accomplished but little-known Kreationist, Kremer Melblüng (photo unavailable). How exactly this all connects is beyond us, but we are fortified in the faith that more will be revealed, and that we will not be able to make much sense of that, either. More confused, ass-over-teakettle updates as events warrant.

Konsolation Korner

Hiya, Kornheads. Your faithful Kreation Korner staff returned this morning from a much-needed retreat in South Beach to unplug and recharge. That may be a paradox but it worked--one of those mysteries of life we guess. Anyways, only moments after we'd shuffled our mentally, emotionally, and physically refreshed selves into the HQ and reconnected to the interworld, we were shocked (on the inside, but remained serene on the outside) that Gabe Gabriel II, whom we'd left behind to helm the Korner in our stead, had deleted precious kontent which had been posted by Hadley Daughterson just before we exited our offices en masse to board a chartered omnibus for SoBea. The younger Gabe's reasoning behind this kardinal infraction was that the post purported to be satire, which as he dubiously indicates is impossible in a "post-satire age." Many of us saw the kontent in kwestion before our departure and can assure you that it was very satirical indeed. It was a piece of graphic art konsisting of three panels, each a mock periodical-style advertisement for a politician, the konceit being that, in late kapitalism, democracy is a farce and the elected official is just another silly product for us to konsume. We felt this kontent was sufficiently satirical and we will not subscribe to Gabriel II's rather bleak and defeatist worldview that satire is dead. We must kontinue to act as a check on would-be tyrants. If we were to simply give up, we would be komplicit in the normalization of their chikanery. To hop down from the soapbox for a moment, let us not forget who was really hurt in all this--Hadley Daughterson, who was so incensed by this unfortunate affair that she, in protest, released a potent hacking tool created by our own government into the kloud, expunging any and all rekoverable ghosts of the removed work. Sadly, her inspired (and inspiring) triptych will never again be beheld by human eyes, or those of any species. Although rekompense in this matter is impossible as all acts of kreation are irreplaceable, we have authorized Hadley to jump to the front of the production queue and publish two (instead of the usual allotment of one) new komiks. We know it's only modest succor but hope it will serve as a salve for everyone affected during this hopefully short-lived dark chapter for Kreationism. In the meantime, we've sent young Gabe to South Beach for an intensive three-day refresher kourse on our standards and practices. Take and eat:

Kloud Korner

Has it really been 11 days? I guess time flies when you're a disembodied consciousness. Allow us to explain...The day was September 13. We were holding a little soiree at the HQ to kommemorate six years of The Kreation Korner. Things were going smoothly, until Huey Dood, the bumbling buffoon he is, spilled a tankard of mudslide onto APEKS, our hitherto dormant sentient supercomputer. Something about the collision of the syrupy beverage and beige plastic outer casing sprung the infernal machine back to life, saturating the room in a burst of blinding light and energy. What happened at this point can only be described as indescribable. Our best guess is that APEKS' electromagnetic field somehow unmoored our minds from their corporeal fetters and transmitted them into The Cloud--that mysterious cyber omnipresence we've heard discussed lately in hushed tones. For what felt like only 94 seconds, our beings were as one, unencumbered by the crude flesh. We were instantaneously aware of all that has been, is and will be known. With this boundless knowledge came boundless language for boundless opportunities to imagine existence, we think. Unfortunately, any specific recollections of our shared non-physical digital odyssey slipped away as soon as we awoke achey, odorous and strewn about the floor. We can't explain how we were granted access to The Cloud or how our bodies were sustained for a week and half. We can say, however, that we have gained a renewed acceptance that the plane we inhabit is but a speck of lobster in the vast and creamy cosmic bisque. But as small as it is, it's succulent none the less and we're damn proud to live and kreate in it.