Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Recovery Korner

This is indeed a jubilant week at The Korner. In addition to clearing a most kontentious air with KSW, we are elated to announce the return of a beloved komrade who was until recently rather near death. That's right, the Kreation News Wire Service announced this morning that kommentator Peter Doe has been released from the hospital and is on the mend. Thanks to an impromptu trip down to Mexico for a coffee enema and 'round-the-clock attention from a plucky medical professional known simply as Nurse Jason, Doe has made a full recovery--save for being temporarily konfined to an oxygen tank-outfitted wheel chair. We were worried about Doe's spirits, but those koncerns were kwelled when he was overheard at the hospital pharmacy shouting, "Who's a guy gotta have relations with to get some Percocet around this dump?" It's good to know that behind all the surgical tubing and IV scars the real Peter Doe is back. To celebrate his return, we bring you a poem Doe dictated during his cardio-pulmonary episode. Admit:

Hospitals are venerable
establishments. Stalwart bastions
combating an all too real
threat of pestilence.

But I’d never want to have a
surprise birthday party at one.

You show up for important
test results. Your friends
pop out of the soiled
utility closet.

Wear a pointy hat. Eat some cake.
It’s hard to celebrate when you’re
terminally ill.

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