Saturday, April 16, 2011

Freedom of Information Korner

As our organization enters a golden age of open dialogue and transparency rooted in the spirit of true Kreativity, every member of the proverbial food chain must proverbially paddle in the same proverbial direction. To that end, the Korner brings you today an excerpt from the minutes of our most recent staff meeting. Behold how the sausage is made:

The Kreation Korner, Staff Meeting
April 14, 2011 - Huey Dood presiding
Transcribed by Jeanieanné Smith, Administrative Assistant

Huey Dood: We call this meeting to order. First order of business, last meeting's minutes. Has everyone had a chance to look them over?

Jawn Steighmeaus: I move to approve the minutes, but only on the kondition we strike all vowels and replace them with dollar signs.

HD: We have a motion on the table. All those in favor...

Unanimous "ayes," save for GRECH who shoots off a confetti party-popper in affirmation

HD: The ayes have it. I'll have Jeanieanné get started on those edits as soon as we're done here. Next on the agenda is a short presentation from Nash Stillwater about proposed overhauls to our kommunal kwarters. Take it away Nash.

Nash Stillwater: Thanks Huey. As you all know, I've been an outspoken opponent of kopious hallucinogenic substance use in the past. But I'm always on the lookout for transcendent ways to derange our senses sans chemistry. What I'm proposing here is a group sensory deprivation tank approximately 15 by 38 cubits in area. I recently spent the better part of 17 minutes in an underground cave and the utter absence of any and all stimuli allowed the most obscure reaches of my subkonscious to take over with Jupiter-and-Beyond-the-Infinite-like fury. A chamber mimicking my subterranean experience would require us to sacrifice nearly 40 percent of our already limited physical living space but the metaphysical benefits would be almost incalculable. I'm passing around a cost breakdown as we speak which should give a ballpark on soundproof insulation, lead light shielding and the like. I urge you all to seriously konisder this proposal. The implications it has for the Kreative Kause are well worth the $34,852 price tag.

Enthusiastic "oohs" and "ahs" are heard as the literature is passed around

HD: Thanks, Nash. You know, that idea's not half bad. Plus our discretionary fund is burning a hole in the coffee table. Tell you what, I'll get Steve Adore on the blower first thing in the AM and we'll talk retrofits. Jeanieanné, cancel my morning appointments.


*For the full 67-page transcription of this meeting, please slide a stamped, self-addressed envelope under the front door of the HQ. Enclose a $5 check payable to The Kreation Korner, Office of the Archivist.*

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