The Century Mark

Well, ladies and gents, it's been a wild and crazy ride up to this point, but I am glad to present to you the Kreation Korner's 100th post! We at the KKHQ were ecstatic to have reached such a milestone -- in fact, we might have gone a little overboard. What started as a couple of the Kreationists enjoying YouTube videos over wine spritzers quickly turned into drunken mess of Percy's-Own mescaline and vast quantities of red beer. And so, as I soothe my aching head with a bag of frozen snow-peas, I must tell you: we blew it. We have no real post, nothing to show for this momentous occasion but our own revelry. Luckily, however, Gabe Gabriel was there to capture all the night's festivities with his new-fangled "point and shoot camera." Not sure what that means, not sure that you do either, but for those interested, we will be posting some belated 100th post submissions from some of our most celebrated kreationists in the weeks to come. Anyway, bring on the dancing pictures:


The man of the hour!


The entertainment.


Dance party!


GRECH and Lee Watt performing the Two'fer.


Chris Peebles and maljohn in an argument which brought the evening to a close.

Korner Wisdom

No. 1: "When life gives you artichokes, make artichokade."
No. 2: "Don't judge a book by its cover. And for that matter, don't judge a book by its jacket--some trickster may have put an erroneous jacket on the book so as to mislead you. This is some sick people's idea of fun."

Poet's Korner

Greetings Kreationists! We here at The Korner hope you're enjoying the sun--preferably with the proper application of sun block (we recommend SPF 15 or higher). We know what you're thinking: what would be the most refreshing and yet nourishing beverage on a scorcher like today? Well, we'll tell you: a tall, cool glass of Chris Peebles, of course! With his latest poem--"Feigning Sympathy"--our man once again proves he walks to the beat of his own tambourine player. Metabolize:

Remember that time
your pet animal got
asparagus blight?
I said "sorry, I know
how you feel."

Well, guess what.
I didn't actually
know.
I was only pretending
to care, so joke's
on you.

And that time a
criminal bludgeoned
you with a bag of
guns--I only visited
you in the hospital
'cause I was there
anyways for a skull
transplant and wanted
to see if you had any
cool scars.

All this time you
thought I was one of
the fourteen nicest
people you knew.
But I'm not. I don't
give a rip about you
or your pet. What is it
like being such a
sucker?

Fiction Korner

He was just pushing for the weekend. Just pushing produce. Pushing crackers. Pushing Kombucha-brand iced tea. $3.69 for a bottle, get in line. Don't look at the clock, get in line. Face those cookies, get in line. $13.88, sir. Credit or debit, sir. The minutes ooze by like the Jell-O chocolate pudding from a punctured single-serving cup. Gotta clean up that mess. Push it behind those other pudding cups. Push it. Get in line.
-Anon.

Komedy Korner

This week, The Korner is pleased to bring you the latest from the hilarious jokeman Dugg Focks. In this cycle, Focks flexes his blue humor nuts. Due to the salty nature of his witticisms, we have omitted any potentially objectionable words. Although we at The Korner don't tend to shy away from colorful language--no matter how offensive in or out of context--even we have a limit. But don't worry, these jokes are just as funny without the potty mouth. You won't even notice it's missing. Savour:

Joke: What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?
Punchline: I can’t peanut butter my [censored] up your [censored].

Joke: What did one [censored] say to the other [censored]?
Punchline: “That’s a [censored] [censored] you slut!”

Joke: How many [censored]?
Punchline: Twelve.

Joke: [censored] [censored]?
Punchline: [censored]!

Komik Korner

Today we bring you another bit of visual one-dimensional pen-and-ink storytelling from Lee Watt. Although a departure from previous content in its deft wielding of the komedic sword, it is a sword nonetheless and one that is capable of piercing you to the core. Just remember that you too may one day be just another sizzling egg in the frying pan of life. Check this shit out:

The Korner Kills

Again, we feel the need to explain today's post title. It is "The Korner Kills" as in it kills preconceptions. We don't do murder, but we have gotten several complaint letters, hence the explanation. Get it through your thick skulls, this has been a long week and I am sick and tired of answering phones, emails, and telegraphs worrying me about the kontent of our humble blog. Anyway, now that I've hopefully satiated you insane do-gooder freaks, let's get onto the content, shall we? For this week's answers to your questions, we tapped our own aging resource of folk wisdom, Snappy Tom. While he might not ride scooters or read "Wall Street Journal" like all the hepcats of today, he can certainly teach us a thing or two. Here goes:

Hi, I see that you have a successful website, so you surely know your way around a computer. I've been trying to send this email with pictures attached to my mother, but my email provider keeps refusing the jpegs and saying they're are too big. But I know this can't be true because I downsized them to the specified 10-megabyte file size. Help me, Kreation Korner, you're my only hope!
-Friend in need, Seattle, WA

"email?" J-pegs? Super-bites? Friend, I can't say as I know what in the heck you're talking about. What I do know, though, is people. I've traveled the world and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that no matter where you go, there's always gonna be people. Sure, they might not look like you, talk like you, they might not even enjoy creamed corn like you, but isn't that what makes the whole thing so darned interesting? People everywhere, can't escape it, no use in trying so might as well embrace it and enjoy the carrot juice while it's still flowing. For the Kreation Korner, I'm Snappy Tom saying farewell.*

*This advice segment was transcribed by Gabe Gabriel after Snappy Tom was found attempting to push individual keys from our keyboard into the KKHQ tape deck.